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what do you do when your 16 year old will not listen

here is my problem, my daughter is 16 she is failing 4 classes in school, I have went to the school and talked to all the teachers, councilor and principal. now she comes home every day saying she has no homework to do. LIE out and out LIE.... so I tell her well you have chores to do get to them, oh no she comes home get's on her computer and stay's on it all damn night.. Hubby say's don't get upset.. I am at this point pulling my hair out wanting to beat them both... I tell her to do the dishes I get to roll of the eyes the huffs and the nasty looks... now how do I handle this I have fibromyalgia, it is sever, so I do need the help around the house, I have already cut off the cell phone cut I can not cut off the internet as I do online schooling... I am at my wits end..my husband is at his wits end also

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Angelic45

Asked by Angelic45 at 8:50 AM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (19 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • threaten to send her to boot camp.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • put a password on the computer. don't let her know it.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 8:55 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Take the computer away from her. Change the password so that she cannot access it.
    Tell the school "in writing" (you need a written record) that you must have daily reports as to homework, schoolwork and behavior.
    Do not let up, this might be your opportunity to save your daughter.
    What are her outside activities?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:57 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Exactly what I was thinking, take away her computer. Cut it off so she can't use it. Ground her to home base. Take away everything in her room except the bed and a change of clothes and make her earn everything back if you have to.
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 9:04 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • time to play hard ball, I went through the same thing and boy is it frustrating. The only difference, I had my husband backing me up and a lot of times he was the stern one. we took the cell phone, the computer, everything that she was super attached to, that finally got to her. You have to stick it out. If you get a chance when it's just you and her and no one is mad or yelling, try to talk to her one on one,explain to her how her attitude is making life hard on everyone and its not gonna get better till she changes. It's your house your rules so stick to it! also, I'd have a heart to heart with your hubby, tell him u really need his help, this is gonna b the hardest time with your teen. Be tough !
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 9:05 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • lol her outside activities she does not have any she wont do band or any kind of sport's.. she say's she hates it here in Mich and wants to go back to Fl. she is making it very hard on her dad and I.. Oh I am not letting up on the school they are sending me the missing homework also a list of what needs to get one and turned in.
    my husband say's well she is almost 17 just let her do it say it once and let it drop.. so I am not getting the support from him..
    Angelic45

    Comment by Angelic45 (original poster) at 9:07 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I have taken the computer she is so sneaky she takes it back and hides it, I had taken it before when I caught her on my space telling guy's she was in love with them, she was 15 my husband was in Iraq, she was sneaking out of the house at night and spending all night with a 18 year old , she had thought she was pregnant.

    Now he says to let her have the computer, I say no and he does not want to have to deal with it, also I have tried the heart to heart, she want's us to buy her a mustang, I told her No...
    Angelic45

    Comment by Angelic45 (original poster) at 9:11 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Take the computer away. Move it out into an open room so you can always monitor on it, she'll never have the "privacy". She needs to realize the the computer and internet is a privilege and how she's acting, it doesn't seem like she deserves it. You just need to stop letting her walk all over you. You are the parent. Make it known! If I would've ever treated my mother like that, I would've gotten smacked. You'd think she'd appreciate you and respect you a lot more than she does, especially when you have fibromyalgia. I only have a two-year-old so I've got a while before I start dealing with teenage drama, but I also remember what it was like to be sixteen years old since it was only five years ago for me.. I know I never acted like that though. Time to tighten her up, mama! Good luck. Wish i could offer more advice.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 9:20 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • thanks everyone, I am going to go lock up the computer now. and things are going to change... I will let you know how things go.. yeah If I treated my mom like this my dad would have me at the dirt road and whooping my arse... I was raised hard core.. you did not get away with anything... my husband was raised as though everything was a joke.. so there are two different kinds of parents in this house one who is stern and the joker..
    Angelic45

    Comment by Angelic45 (original poster) at 9:26 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Is something going on with her that would make her not want to try? Maybe the classes are too challenging for her so she just chooses to avoid the stress in doing the work at all..I found that out about ds he wasn't trying and failing and wasn't bringing home homework at all it's because he was struggling and we had him tested he had a learning disability in math and it made him not want a thing to do with his schoolwork..I'm not saying this is the problem but it is a possibility..Or maybe she's has low self esteem she don't believe she can do it so she don't bother trying there is something going on and instead of taking things away which by the way won't work if there is an underlying problem you need to be an advocate for her and find out what is going on with her...Sorry you're going thru this I know what you're going thru I go thru it everyday please look into it.
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 9:30 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

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