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How do I get my daughter to stop giving me an attiude?

My daughter Katelyn is 11 and argues with me all the time. She is always angry and she is taking it out on myself, my husband Frank and my son Christopher who will be 6 in a few weeks. Her "boyfriend" is a bad influence on her. She has lied to me numerous times claiming she is at a friend's house when she is actually with him. She is becoming out of control. I've punished her, I've tried being her friend and talking to her. Nothing works. What do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Oct. 25, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • First of all she is to young for a boyfriend, my daughter is 12 and had a boyfiiend when she was 11 too. I did not allow her to date and see him outside of school. I pretty much ignored the whole boyfriend thing, I think he got tired of her not being able to hang out with him outside of school so he broke up with her. Kids this age are at a very impressonable age and can do things that might ruin their reputation throughout the rest of their school years. Because she lies so frequently I would keep a close eye on her, always check with the parents of whose house she says that she's going to be at, you should be doing this anyways since she is only 11. The types of punishment that I would give her is not letting her go anywhere until you can trust her again. Lastly I would let her know how much you love her and want her to grow into a responsible young women who has good values and morals and who can make good decisions.

    Answer by staceynoel at 9:45 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • give her a spanking, take away all of her stuff and privileges and if that doesn't work, bootcamp.

    Answer by chyna_doll at 9:52 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • I had major attitude probs with my girls at the ages of 11 and 12, they start reaching puberty about then and get very moody (more than normal). You are giving her too much freedom. I still do not let my 14 yr old or 16 yr old go to anyones house unless I check to see if a parent is there. Boyfriend at 11 - no - many kids are already having sex at this age. Punishments - no cell or phone use, no tv, no visits to friends house. When I couldn't deal with the attitude I send them to their room and tell them they can sit in there until they can treat people with respect. If they went and started slamming things I went in there and spanked them (yes, at 12 yrs old).
    Best thing - try to get her involved in different groups and activities outside of school to fill her time. Keep her busy!!
    I was pregnant at 16 and started having sex much, much younger because I had too much freedom.

    Answer by janie-o at 12:03 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • She needs limits and parents who enforce them. Dad: talk to her and bf to inform them that you regret allowing the relationship. He needs to confront the bf so he doesn't try to manipulate her. Moms need to be mentors. Let her know you are sad about how things are going, you want to start over because you love her and care for her. Ask her what she loves to do and start spending time doing it and talking about it. Talk to her about sex and peer pressure. Show her respect that she is growing up and needs to know about these things (especially with her boyfriend history). Be her mommy and her mentor. Time quality and quantity count. Let the attitude go for now and just work on your appproach. In a few months, I think you will see a difference without confronting her directly.

    Answer by manna1qd at 8:24 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I have a daughter the same age. I get lots of attitude. We talked and she feels like she is to old for some things and old enough for others. This is a very tough age. My daughter knows if she does go somewhere I will be checking in on her by phone or just by showing up. Talk to the parents of where she is going. Tell them she is not to leave with out you knowing. The boyfriend would be totally out of the question . This is a very very tough age. Don't back down it will get better when she realizes you are going to stay tough on her and hold her to her word. I really can't give much since my 11year old is my oldest of 5 going through the same things as you are but you are not alone and keep trying to talk to her. I have found that taking time just the two of us gets her talking and we do have some very good conversation good luck.

    Answer by Bigfam88 at 11:42 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • A BOYFRIEND? What are you begging for an early teen pregnancy,this is something that she shouldnt be thinking about I'm so sick and tired of parents that let their kids have boyfriends and girlfriends especially when you know damn well what they're gonna do.Put your foot down act like a parent and tell her whats gonna happen period,she cannto run your life and tell you what she wants thats too damn bad as far as i can see till she's freaking 18!

    Answer by MarGeee at 11:15 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • You are not her friend. You are her mom! Please set bounderies now...She might be shocked at your change, but stay firm. I would say have her friends come over. When she's done being punished for lying. Trust has to be earned. Read "Have a new kid by Friday" By Dr. Kevin Leman.

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 11:02 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I'll pray for you :)

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 11:03 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Arguing? It takes two people to argue...your daughter is not in a position to be your equal...she'll never be your equal, therefore the arguing with your 11 year old daughter needs to stop...Boyfriend? that's the problem right are too lenient with this child and have not set the basic guidelines of respect for this child at an early age...11 years old is too young to have a boyfriend or sneaking out to see him...It's time for a role be the adult and allow your 11 year old child to be the child...

    Answer by treasured_hope at 11:52 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

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