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Right or wrong

Me and my child father is not on the same page when it comes to our daughter. My daughter just got back from visiting her father and she informed me that his girlfriend called me a bad word(bitch) and when she told me that I became very angry. I have no problem with her talking abt me but not in front of my daughter. So I contacted her to talk to her woman to woman. Well, i never got the chance to talk to her but my child father called me mad as hell, because I contacted her. But when me and him meet up he did say anything to me about contacting her...he waited until he got home which was 3 hours later. I wanted to speak to him about what my daughter told me but me knowing him he would have said that I was making it up. He is very disrespectful to me all the time and I cant deal with it anymore, so is it right or wrong that I stop all communication? I understand that he is her father but this is nerve wrecking and verbal abuse

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mom42107

Asked by mom42107 at 10:20 AM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,080 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • It really sucks when adults put kids in these positions. It's unfortunate that you picked this man to be your daughter's father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Who has custody? Have the lawyer write him a letter.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:23 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I think your child's stability is most important. Profanity and any form of disrespect is uncalled for ever (but especially around children), and until he understands that, I would stop communication.

    However, if he has joint custody or something, you may have an issue with the law if you refuse him time with her.
    Biz1985

    Answer by Biz1985 at 10:25 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Yes, it is wrong to stop all communication. He is the father of your child you need to talk him in order to raise your child.
    You are right to request that they not bad mouth you in front of your child, it is detrimental to your child's self esteem. Stay calm don't feed into it and eventually maturity will win out.
    Good Luck and you can always come on here and blow off some steam.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 10:26 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • @tootoobusy..I have custody. He didnt even sign her birth certificate. He has proof that he is her father. I am not understanding what you mean about having a lawyer write him a letter.
    mom42107

    Comment by mom42107 (original poster) at 10:26 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Parents should not involve the kids in their seperation or divorce. No bad mouthing should take place in front of the children. It doesn't matter if it's the mother, the father or one of the parents' new partners. Kids should not be brought into the middle of it. I'm not sure about the legal things you can do, but I would contact a lawyer and tell him that your ex's girlfriend is calling you bad names (involving curse words) in front of your child and you are not okay with that and every time you try to talk to your ex about it, he gets angry and refuses to talk. Maybe something can be done..
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 10:27 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I'm sorry that you are dealing with this stress. ((hugs)) I don't think that it's best to stop all communication and keep your daughter from her father, though. You do need to talk to him in person, without your daughter or his girlfriend there. You need to tell him how you feel and that you want for the two of you to have at least a respectful relationship for your daughter. Both of you need to set a good example for her. If he doesn't agree or act mature about this and continues to act or say inappropriate things in front of your daughter, then you might want to tell him he can only have supervised visitation with your daughter, unless there is a court order that says different.
    akmccarty

    Answer by akmccarty at 10:28 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I'd have a talk with him first, tell him that it was disrespectful what she did and if he were mature he would stop it. Your daughter is going to resent her for saying things like that about her mom, tell him that too.I wouldn't stop communication between daughter and father because she will resent you for that but if he were any kind of man he wouldn't put up with that either. If you ever get a chance to communicate with this other woman,I'd make it clear if she wants to make comments like that , voice her oppinion to you not your daughter.
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 10:28 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • If he has court ordered visitation I would bring this up to my lawyer and see what can be done. Maybe the court can make it so his gf is not allowed around your child. I would also see if having supervised visitations is an option.
    If there is no court order (and you have full custody), then I would tell him flat out that if he wants to see the child, he will jump thru MY hoops and #1 treat me with respect, #2 follow my 'rules' in regard to the child. example-- when you have the child it is you and the child-- NO girlfriends allowed!. or you could say- no swearing or trash talk in front of my child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I really dont want to stop all communication but I dont want to be verbal abuse all the time just so he can spoend time with his daughter. This has been going on for 2 years now off and on..I recently just ended a relationship with my ex that lasted for 1 year and 4 months because he didnt have a job and he thought that he could treat me like crap because he was unemployed...why should I suffer that same thing from my daughter father. The whole time that I was with him my daughter father never called me out of my name but as soon as he heard that I was single again the verbal abuse started again. Ladies let me tell you that I am living in Georgia and my daughter father is in Alabama. This is a long distance relationship that my daughter and her father share. She would normally go to visit once every 3 months for at least 2 weeks. I want to be respected and I dont want my daughter to be in an unstable environment.
    mom42107

    Comment by mom42107 (original poster) at 10:34 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

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