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how do i make my daughter understand that we are poor without making her insecure?

can barely afford the rent child is selfish and throws tantrums when doesn't get her way

 
beckybuck

Asked by beckybuck at 12:01 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (494 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • attention then the less she will tantrum. And when you say NO - who cares she has a tantrum. That would be normal. Don't get upset. Once she sees it doesn't work and you have zero guilt....she will stop. But she sees it tugs at you to not buy things for her. She thinks you do it to be mean (most likely) and when in reality your reaction is due to stress.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:15 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • You shouldn't have to explain anything to her... She's a child, if she's acting like a spoiled child treat her as such, and take away the things she does love, and teach her to earn them back, otherwise she doesn't have anything....
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:04 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • My kids know we're "poor".  At least right now we are.  They know we can't afford stuff because we simply tell them we don't have money for that right now.  I think the fact that they garbage people won't pick up our trash and they shut our water off a couple weeks ago makes it pretty obvious (our money problems are only temporary, we're trying to get our feet under us after a big cross-country move, it will take some time).  They aren't wanting, though.  They have food, clothes, a place to live, go to school, have shoes and toys.  They may not get every new gadget and have designer name brands but they don't need that stuff. 


    My parents always tried to hide how poor we were but I knew.  I wasn't stupid and heard the fights over money and saw my parents going without to get nice things for me and my brother and I felt horrible.  I carried a lot of guilt as a kid over that.

    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 12:40 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • How old is she?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:02 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I remind my 11 year old to be thankful for what we have and not worry about what we don't. Also, 10 years from now, it won't matter if she got that Justin Beiber T-shirt or not.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 12:05 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I looked at your profile and I am guessing that it is your DD in 6th grade....I would just tell her that you dont have the money to get her what ever it is that she wants.....You dont need to say that you are poor....
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 12:05 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • In my opinion, you don't. One thing I admire most about my Mother is that we were dirt poor growing up and I NEVER knew. It is not your child's burden to carry. Instead, I would address the "want" issue. Whether you have the money or not, you don't always get you want and throwing tantrums isn't going to help anything.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 12:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I tell my kids that we're broke. It's not like we live poorly - we have a nice house, a Wii, computers, etc. But they know when it comes to spending money that we just don't. They have so much as it is, and Christmas and Birthdays are the time for presents/extras...it's not on a want basis.
    Funny story...my daughter (she's 9) told my friend one day, "Oh, no mommy doesn't have any cash - we went grocery shopping today. We bought a LOT of stuff, so I'm sure the money's all gone now." So she at least understands how money works!
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 12:17 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Just because she wants it, doesn't mean she gets it. You want things too, right? Do you get everything you want? No, because life isn't like that. You don't need to explain your financial position to your child. She needs to know that she has everything she needs and wants are for birthdays, Christmas etc.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 12:38 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Children should not be actively involved with finances. It just isn't fair to put that kind of knowledge, worry, and pressure on a child. It is okay to tell your child no, it is okay to say not right now or not today. It is okay to say put it on your birthday wish list or Christmas wish list. But for your child to worry about if she will have a home or not is not fair to her. It is okay to let her know she is not able to get toys, candy, and fun play trips everyday (because even if you could afford it that is still not healthy). But children get those sometimes. Just not all the time. In the mean time reassure her by playing at the park, reading stories from the library, and taking advantage of things you can do. I do free things every day with my child. The park, the library, touring the fire department, local rivers to bring a sandwhich and play....so many things without spending big money. The more security and
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

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