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5 Bumps

For SAHMs

I'm not trying to start drama (couldnt find a different catagory to post in). I really need some perspective. I am NOT a SAHM, although I would love to be. I think it's the most important job in the world; we simply cannot afford it. But my friend, who is a SAHM, is constantly complaining about how hard she works, and laundry, and housecleaning, and how time consuming her baby is and on and on. She claims that no one who isnt a SAHM could possibly understand her plight. (like she's in some exclusive club?) I just want to scream at her. Yea, I do all of that too, on top of a 40 hour work week and only seeing my DS for 2 hours a day M-F. So please can someone, that I'm not angry with, explain what is so hard/bad about being home with your child(ren) all day?

 
new_mom808

Asked by new_mom808 at 12:16 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,166 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (39)
  • I think sometimes working mothers and sahm's live in two different worlds and its very hard to see the others point of view, like a working mother will never understand having the children constantly all day long all evening and weekends and barely getting a break like the SAHM wont understand how it feels for a working Mom to only see there child an hr or so a night an feeling exhausted during that time and missing alot of the fun times and milestones.......I think thats why its such a huge debate cause its hard to see the other side when your not experiencing it.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 5:16 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • What really makes it hard is you get no time off. At work you can take a quiet lunch break, at home you have a toddler clinging to your leg while you're trying your hardest to spread some jelly. It is rly hard to explain. But I will admit, I almost envy working moms. I worked for about a yr. and every day I had work felt like a break for me. It is mentally stressful to be home with a toddler all day w/o regular adult interaction. And when you're a stay at home mom...you can never call out sick, cant take paid vacation time...none of that. But its all worth it =] hope that helps a bit, thats the best i can do to explain.
    tiffers32788

    Answer by tiffers32788 at 12:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • You only see your child 2 hours/day M-F? You work out of the home, so no you don't do the same as she does.... Being with a child all day everyday can be very mentally draining... Add more children to the mix, and there's more stress, etc.. I'm sorry, I have been a SAHM for 14 years and our youngest just started school last year, and it was a huge relief. Yes you work hard, and yes you're a Mom no matter what you do, but being at home fulltime is a lot different than working and only being home with your child a couple hours a day...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I've been a sahm mom for most of the last 21 years. I think that both ways have challenges. For a stay at home mom....you often feel that even though this is exactly what you want to be doing, it's a thankless job. Kids make messes all day long when they are home all day to do it. You clean the same thing 20 times, and people who don't stay home often think that you have "nothing to do" and are available to pick up extra kids, or do favors for them.

    Sometimes you just hear so much about how you should have a job, or sahm's are lazy, that you find yourself defending yourself upfront....often before someone even attacks you, and it becomes a habit. There is also often a feeling of isolation.

    I've done both, I've been a working mom and a sahm....I've loved being a sahm, I think it's harder in ways to be a sahm, and in other ways to be a working mom. We all need to appreciate and respect each other more.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:25 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Well my hubby works 16 hours a day. So, for 2/3 of the day I am by myself with a 16 month old. Don't get me wrong I love it! However, I never get a break, I don't talk to adults (unless I have a playdate or something), and I am responsible for EVERYTHING because my hubby is ALWAYS tired. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but it's not like I get to just sit on my butt and watch the baby all day ... I am constantly moving unless it's her naptime. It's not the hardest job in the world, but def not the easiest. Sounds like your friend might benefit from being a working mom instead of a SAHM.
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 12:21 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I have done both. Being at home all day with a young child or children, you are constantly going. Not only are you preparing 1-2 more meals per day, you are also having to constantly clean up the messes they make, whereas if your child is in daycare all day, then you come home, play with them for a little while, feed them dinner and put them to bed, you are only having to clean up the mess one time. A SAHM does it ALL DAY.

    When I worked, it was actually easier for me. We had a nanny who came into our home from 7-4 and stayed with the kids. She picked up after them through the day, but did not do any additional housework, and it was still easier when I worked. Because when i was at work, i had adult conversation, I got an hour long lunch break here I could sit, relax, chat, read, eat in peace, whatever I wanted. A SAHM is often home alone for 10-12 hours a day with only her children, and no break at all.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • It's mentally challenging. The physical stuff is easy... but it's challenging to keep your sanity being around nothing but children all day WHILE trying to do all the physical stuff. Getting to "work" without the distraction of kids is a dream, IMO! It's just never ever ending... as soon as you clean something, there is a child behind you messing it up, or a child needing a drink or to go potty, or a diaper change. My hubby asks if the house will ever just be clean all at once and I tell him no. Once I move onto the next chore there are 3 little monsters making a brand NEW mess for me! Add in meals, "quality time" (pretending it's fun to play blocks or tag for hours on end SHOULD be a form of torture!) and everything else, and it really IS a lot of work. (more work than it looks from the outside... I ask *myself* what it is that I do all day!).

    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 12:40 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Honestly, I worked my whole life and very recently was able to stay at home. I thought it would be alot easier than it is. I had daily activites planned and we were going to go to the park/library every day. We did, for awhile. Until I realized that there is no taking a day off when you are a SAHM. I really underestimated the work. While there is still housework when you work away from home, there is even more when you are at home to make messes all day. I make three meals, from scratch every day. Which means I do three loads of dishes a day. By the time breakfast is made/cleaned up, I play with my son or we do art projects until lunch time. After he eats lunch it is nap time. I then spend naptime taking out the trash/doing laundry/cleaning up after lunch/cleaning up the mess he made during the morning/and then taking a shower. Once he wakes up, the mess begins all over again, and there is more housework to be done
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 12:55 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Its not being home and having to clean and deal with your kid....its not being able to get out of the house....I have no friends where i live because of this....The only time I get out of the house is if i go to the store to get food....and that is if DH dosnt do it on his way home from work....The only women I know is DH's biuddy's wife.....and that lady is crazy and I dont want her around my son....I know what you mean about how you want to scream at her....When DH says that i have a job taking care of DS and the home I tell him that is not a job that is something that you have to do...if i was working as well then we would still have to care for our child and keep a clean home.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 12:20 PM on Oct. 8, 2010


  • lol

    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 2:53 PM on Oct. 8, 2010