Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how can i take the hate out of my heart toward the father of my unborn child

i just found out i was 5 weeks pregant and when i told the father he saind that we was going to get thew this togather then a week ago i tried calling him and his number was no longer in services i went by his apartment and he move how can i take the hate out my heart that i have for him he is 39 years old he have a good jod and this would be his frist child how could he do something like this he calim he told his sister and she was happy and that his family would spoil his baby i dont know what to do how can i get him to come around how can i take the hate of of my heart for him

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Give him his space and dont think about him at all....if he really cared about then he wouldnt have left you or the baby like that. As for you getting the hatred out of your heart just try to stay busy as much as possible..giving you an heads up he may be a potential deadbeat but who knows. This is his first child and maybe he is just spook and need some space....Give it time...but stay busy....read some books and listen to classical music that will help...I did the same thing. Or you can go to Dave and Busters and take all your angry out on the shooting video game. That helped a lot.
    mom42107

    Answer by mom42107 at 12:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • You have no power to change him in any way nor even to make him want to change. You must choose to not hate him, and you must take responsibility for having made a very bad decision when you agreed to having sex with a man about whom you knew so little when it comes to matters of character. My guess is that he does have other children whom he has also chosen to walk away from and he has chosen to lie to you about that and probably many other things as well. About the best you can do with this situation is to learn a major life lesson and try to never repeat it. I would also probably consider putting this baby up for adoption because I believe that every child deserves to have 2 parents who love him and each other.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Wait for him to come around...as much as I hate to say that to another mom...but I was a single mom and my son's father tethered my heart and made me sooo angry...I just let him be...now we have the best relationship we've ever had...we are not together but we are the best of friends...Im not saying that will always happen...but sometimes it's best to give him time....and your self time...don't waste your time being mad at him when you have an angel inside of you...think about that angel and yourself.... that was the hardest thing for me...
    mommy4105

    Answer by mommy4105 at 12:36 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • You can't change him. Just decide to do everything you can for your baby and if he comes around, he does, if he doesn't its his loss. Hating him will NOT hurt him, just you and your child.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 12:49 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • He just might need time to get himself together before reality sets in. Keep close to his family if you love him enough and want it to work. It is painful, believe me I know from experience, but a man grows differently emotionally than a woman does.
    ByronAidenMom

    Answer by ByronAidenMom at 12:52 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I don't know what to say to the trying to get him to come around part except that I agree with the other moms to give him space and that you can't change him. But I do whole heartedly kno whwere you're coming from about trying to gt over the hate. I am 4 weeks pregnant as a result of rape and I already love the baby so much that it makes it easier to stop focusing on his or her father. The more I think about the baby the more I see how something so precious came from someone so vile. I say just take care of yourself and focus on your little miracle and it'll help ease the struggle and the pain.
    SkylaDarling

    Answer by SkylaDarling at 12:55 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Get rid of the hate for yourself. you'll never be able heal and move on if you don't. Leave him alone. Because in the long run, he and he alone will have to deal with the choices that he's made. Love and take care of yourself and your child. You are not responsible for what he does and can't make him do anything that he does not want to do.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 1:05 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • By realizing that he is human and flawed. He is most likely scared. He has to decide himself what kind of dad he'd like to be. Just take care of yourself and let him go. If he wants to be around he will be.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 1:07 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN