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Do you think the victim or target of bullying determines the seriousness of the situation?

As an example, my 14 year old son, who is very clothes conscience, wore a new sweater to school this week. He had several kids make fun of him. He said they make fun of his clothes alot, but it doesn't seem to bother him. However, if you read/hear all the media articles this week, what happened to him could have been considered bullying. But if the target of the teasing/bullying doesn't mind, is it okay?

 
Dyndudes

Asked by Dyndudes at 1:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 11 (626 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Your son is choosing to rise above the idiotic behaviors of others. That's great. Keep supporting him and talking with him. It may hurt more than he lets on. But to assume that simply because he chooses not to make a federal case out of the inappropriate choices of those students does not make those behaviors any more appropriate. What they are doing is wrong. He is handling it reasonably, intelligently, and very well. The target "not minding" does not make the behavior right. Your son is making a mature choice not to make a federal case out of the stupid actions of others.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:15 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Most victims will say they don't mind just to keep the peace. If he is mature enough to not take their taunts personally then that's great. If not, then they can be doing harm. Kids tease other kids. I do think that once they see it doesn't bother him, they will find another target since he's not giving them the reaction they want. I used to have kids tease me at school over my clothes but I just laughed with them and they stopped. I wasn't fun to tease so they found someone else who would cry or react differently. I personally like being different than others. I like wearing unique things that others don't wear. Tell your son I think he rocks
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:17 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • bullying is never ok!
    older

    Answer by older at 1:20 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Never ok...

    Is your son at least choosing his own clothes? Hopefully because if that's the case then it won't bother him at all... Oh man when my son gets big, I'll be at the school bullying back :0P
    littlestar85257

    Answer by littlestar85257 at 1:22 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I used to get teased all the time because I wore glasses and was skinny, rather nerdy looking (until I blossomed and suddenly I was Ms Popular...pfft!). Anyway, I'd get picked on, beat up, chased home, have my stuff stolen or destroyed because they just wanted to. They openly didn't like me for the simple reason of "She's a nerd". There wasn't much one could do about it. The parents were foten as bad as the kids and the school wouldn't do anything outside of school grounds.

    All it did was make me very distrustful to people, a pessimist, and a loner. Those same bullies probably don't even remember it or have any realization the impact it had on that girl so long ago or what effect it would have into her adult life.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 1:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Yes I was bullied too, it took years to get my self esteem back......people just have no idea how bad it can be. My daughter just started middle school and she has aspergers and they seem to be easy targets for bullies. So far she has not had a problem. A classmate of hers was bullied to the extent that he attacked the principal and was charged with a felony...very sad I doubt anything was done to the bully who started the mess....as a parent of a special needs child, the bullying has to stop! Moms if a parent tells you that your child has been bullying there child, dont get defensive, dont get bitchy and attack the other parent...please discipline your child! Get them counseling, anger management , whatever is needed.
    michaux

    Answer by michaux at 2:44 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • yes and no.


    I think the term "bully" is WAY over used now-a-days.


    I think in some instances what parents are calling "bullies" is simply the "victims" lack of standing up for him/her self and putting an end to it. On the other hand there are actual cases of bulling in which the "victim" really is unable to stop the problem.


    You can not put a blanket label on bulling.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 5:19 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Bullying is NEVER ok. Doesn't matter how the person being bullied feels. Also, being teased about your clothes is one thing..all kids tease each other. It is a problem when it escalates into nonstop bullying and affects the person being bulllied. Bullying is a HUGE problem and it needs to be stopped. One way to stop bullying will be parents teaching tolerance and understanding. Parents teaching that fighting is not ok, that is ok to be different. It is ok to be different. It doesn't mean you agree with the choices the person made, but you tolerate it. NO ONE should feel they have to kill themselves to end bullying.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:53 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • i wouldn't really call that bullying... bullying to me is more than just kids making fun of each other - an element of fear comes into play in bullying. sounds like your son likes what he likes and is confident enough to wear it and not care about what others think... which makes him not much of a target for harmful bullying - bullies prefer people who will suffer.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:45 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I think it depends on the ENTIRE situation - the bully, the victim, the ones who are standing by doing nothing... a lot of factors.

    More than anything, I think you should be proud of yourself for raising a strong, confident young man. Great job, mama.
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 12:20 AM on Oct. 9, 2010