Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what can i do about my 4 year old she yells at me throws things,she wont listen and i've tried punishing her but they dont work i need help?

Answer Question

Asked by sherryfeltner at 11:00 PM on Oct. 25, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • what are you using as punishment? what ever it is, it doesn't seem like she thinks it's a punishment.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Well, I've found the corner works well. Then, after she's had time to calm down (which will most likely be towards the END of time-out) I'd explain to her why her behaviour is wrong, how she should talk to Mommy, and that when she misbehaves, SHE is the one who pays for it.

    Answer by MamadeBelliam at 1:19 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  •  Do you yell back? I've learned with my almost 4 year old daughter that yelling battles don't solve anything. They just result in throwing things or even hitting. I let her calm down by leaving the room or having her go to her room until she calms down, then we talk it out. She's not great at explaining herself yet but will apologize and we try to talk about what happened and why or what needs to change. Also I try to keep myself in check with the fact that our little 4 year olds are becoming more independent. And yea we are the moms, but I think, to them sometimes, we are just intimidating people who are bigger than they are and we can get pretty angry and bossy. That would get frustrating. It doesn't always work but I try asking rather than demanding. And suprisingly the counting to 5 really works!! I don't even know what happens when I get to 5, I haven't had to find out yet. Sorry so long. Hope this helps.


    Answer by kaylynsmom30 at 2:04 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • my 4 year old does the same thing.except its like argueing with a teenager.i found some foods brought on more,ie sugary or starchy foods.timeout chair is working and consistency is the key.i ask nicely first...wait 10seconds....tell her with the now and remind her of timeout.....wait 10seconds and if its not done then she gets timeout,also i combine the counting to five works well by the time i get to five she has calmed down or walked away.i also found writing down when she had tantrums and screaming matches and trying to settle or give her what she wants at that particular time,normally afternoon was worse for me so now after lunch she is made to stay in her bed for an hours rest awake or not its worked and she finds that she is calmer the morning i tell her what the plans are and i found by keeping her informed has helped alot to,shes alot calmer

    Answer by cruizymum at 3:18 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I am reading the book 1, 2, 3 Magic and it is a total lifesaver. I got it from the library on audio (no time to read). Another great book, The Strong Willed Child but James Dobson. Like the above posters mentions, let limits and reinforce those limits (just like with a teen). Good luck from someone in the same boat.

    Answer by RN4kids at 7:23 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • i think you should spank her.

    Answer by Iliana21 at 9:41 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • What currency works for her? Not money, but what does she have that you could take away, or limit that would be affective? With my son, it's his cars right now. We use time out and spanking. Time out for the smaller infractions, but the blatant disrespect and hitting we will use spanking. I know, it seems counter active and I have issues with it but I need to make sure my son understands no matter what the behavior, there is a set of consequences. We are trying to be consistent, but we are feeling our way through this too.

    Answer by ConnorsMommy521 at 12:19 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • weel i have 3 girls and when we moved from mich to cali my middle daughters pooty trainning went down the toilet (no point intended) and my oldest daughter started dissobaying my left and right. so i was watching this show called nanny 911 and got the idea to start a rewards system but i didn't like that what the child was bad that they got their reward taken way because they earned that. so i came up with a different kind of reward system. whan they do something good they get a happy star and when they do something bad they get a sad face. which go into good bags and bad bags and i also write what they did to get it and at the end of every 2 weeks if they have at least 5 more happy stars then sad faces then they get to go to the store and get a small cheap prize. it has seemed to work some what all i can say is give it a try. if you way to know mare get ahold of me.

    Answer by mama3g2s at 1:18 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • i have found that the reward system works well for me. there's a great website that has behavior charts for everything. my son still acts up, but when i remind him of his behavior chart and that he won't get the sticker, then he usually calms down. not 100% but it's been a dramatic improvement. and everytime he fills a chart he gets a small treat. it's important too though that you focus on one behavior first. once they've mastered that then you can introduce another and so on and so forth. the link for the free printable charts is below. you can also make your own, with their help.

    Answer by i_landgirl52 at 6:21 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.