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I never get a break!!! Am I being unreasonable?

I have a newborn and toddler that I stay at home with each day. My husband leaves for work at 6 am and doesn't return until 6 pm. My newborn doesn't sleep much during the day unless I hold her and my son doesn't nap at the same time she does. When my husband does give me breaks he is coming to pull me out of the shower to feed her etc. So I literally have about 20 min to myself each day. When he does take her she screams and cries. And then I have to take her to get her to calm down. I feel like I am at my wits end. Why can't he just calm her down? Any advice? No bashing please. Needing a break to shower in peace, etc doesn't make me a bad mom.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (11)
  • I have been in your exact place mom and it seems like it was such a quick time and then it changed.

    Its a phase and before you know it it will get better. I know its easy for me to say when I am not in there now, but I have been....

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 5:42 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • you're not a bad mom, everybody NEEDS a break. Even if it's just a shower or whatever.

    Hang tight lady-it'll be okay.

    (your baby just lovess you :))

    Answer by Chell.o_0 at 5:42 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I have been there and done that.... and because of the nature of hubs job he was often gone on weekends.

    This is not much help... but this too shall pass.

    I kept my sanity with play groups, baby sitting trades, an aunt who helped out maybe once a month. But I could never leave long because I was breast feeding.  It is simply something you must work through.  All good things come from hard work. 

    My kids are now 15 & 13 and I have LONG streaches of time alone in the house.... and wouldnt mind one of those crazed days again.


    Answer by sahlady at 5:43 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • OF COURSE you're not being unreasonable, or a bad mom! We all need a break, and honestly, just the THOUGHT of being home with a toddler and a newborn gives me hives.... I'll be in that situation around April, but at least I get to go back to work after 12 weeks, heh. You really need to sit your husband down and tell him that even though you appreciate how long and hard he works, you work every bit as hard yourself, and you NEED some time to unwind every now and then. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and watch the kids for an hour or so while you do something else?

    Answer by Anouck at 5:43 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I'm assuming you nurse the baby since he automatically hands her back to you for feeding time. What you want to do is have a few bottles ready and then smile sweetly at hubby, then hand him the kids. Go take a walk around the block or two, run to the store, whatever. Just get out of the house. Dad and daughter need some bonding time and you need and deserve a break. You don't have to be gone long --half and hour, an hour, whatever. Just enough so that you feel a bit normal again. My husband used to use the excuse he didn't know what to do with the kids when I was in your shoes. He learned quickly and he enjoyed it. Good luck!

    Answer by duckigrrl at 5:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Actually if he could take care of the kids for an hour or so when he is around, it certainly would be beneficial for you so you can take a shower or whatever you need to do for you. I don't think it's unreasonable request but as you say it's easier said than done. Can he the kids out for a car ride. What about a swing for the baby which would be set up inside and a game which is age appropriate for your toddler which could be played to entertain the two while you are doing other things.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 5:59 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I wouldn't dream of bashing you. I know the exact feeling. Mine did that too. At first he stepped all over himself to help when she was first born, then BAM. Barely any help. I'd have to beg him to change her diaper, pick her up, etc. Even now his biggest cop-out is 'she doesn't want me'. Yeah, well some days she doesn't want me either but I HAVE to be there for her!

    No, you're not being unreasonable. It sounds like you might be introverted and the constant having to be around people, noise, etc and never getting your 'alone time' to unwind keeps building. Is there any grandparents who could help give you a break?

    Answer by Cenchan at 6:08 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • we all need time off

    Answer by shehappywifemom at 6:11 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Women used to share childrearing and now we are usually stuck with it all alone. I was a single mom with my 3rd and he was with me 24/7. I found it was easier if you just assume you have to do everything with no time alone rather than waste effort being irritated with the father for not doing his share.


    Answer by Gailll at 8:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I agree with duckigrrl. She gave you some excellent advice! Just curious if your toddler is old enough for pre-school 1-2 days a week? It was actually my 3 year old that made me crazy when my daughter was a newborn. When he would spend an afternoon with his grandma, me and the baby would nap away and I felt so much better. :)

    Answer by Journey311 at 9:44 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

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