Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

11year old son tantrums, squeals, hits head, and refuses to learn. Period

We are not a laid back family that lets our children rule the roost. So it's been a bit shocking to have this child that refuses at all costs to cooperate unless it's something he wants to do. He is being a VERY bad example for our youngers that are starting to copy his behavior. Everyone keeps saying he'll outgrow this behavior but...he's ....ELEVEN now...
Most days it's hard to be motivated for, because I feel as though all my children are following in his footsteps. He is such a manipulative, lying, little weasel...and as a mother I shouldn't think that. But he's always enjoyed turning my mother and I against each other over him, or anyone else he can control.
I just don't know what to do with him...... The more I don't react negatively to his rages, the bigger the tantrum gets. I swear he's trying to control us. If all attention is on him(good or bad) he figures he wins. He has so many opportunities

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • have you ever thought maybe he has a learning, emotional or developmental disability? I would talk to his ped and consider a visit to a psychologist to rule it out.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:15 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Look up Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And Intermittent explosive disorder. Also consider ADHD. Yes it CAN have those kinds of symptoms.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Well the next time it is time to get something good like dinner out for the family. Bring him. But order a salad for him.  Tell him why he is only getting salad. Because of is attitude/bad behavior.  Ice cream time, he does not get any. Brthdays. No party cake or presants.  You get  the drift.   When you are having a meal he really likes. Make him a PB&J sandwich.  Only give him what he needs not what he wants. And tell him why.


    Answer by louise2 at 7:22 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • sounds like a mental disorder. i would take him to a psychologist and talk to the school to see how he behaves there

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 7:24 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • If he has just started acting this way, I'd make sure you talk with your mom and be on the same page with each other so he can't try to weasel between the two of you. If he tries, don't argue with each other in front of him and instead talk about a way to deal with what's going on. Other than that, I agree with louise2.

    Answer by Cenchan at 7:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Try taking him in for a mental health evaluation. Before you start punishing, find out if there is an underlying condition that is causing the behavior. He could have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bipolar, ADHD or any number of other disorders. It could also be that you are too strict and he is trying to get some freedom to grow, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. But, I am more on the side of a mental illness or disorder.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:46 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I think there may be something wrong with your child, and calling him names like "manipulative, lying little weasel" is not going to help. Maybe you could try and, I donno. GET HIM HELP.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 12:12 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • My son is 13 now he was and still is alittle that way. He is the middle child and i had such a hard time with him and i was the same way you are. But I got him into counseling to get him help and he had to take meds as well just for a little while to calm down. And I know about the feeding in positive or negativeand about the turning people against you to. So i decided not to give him anything ignore the behavior because thats what he wants the attention oh well. Just stop what your doing get him help and go with the flow itll die down. And tell your other children to just ignore him so it doesnt get worse. Believe me its the hardest thing to do but don't give in just stay strong. As I have been told it gets worse before better. And its true just stand your ground and get help for him as well ashelp for the family to cope with this behavior so you allknow how to handle this type of situation it will help. Trust me i know.

    Answer by apiegurl at 11:40 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • i have a 2 yr old- she bangs her head-bites and throws her self down when se dont get her way-- thats mostly at nite time -im scared i could fall apart f shes doing that at 11--i have help me grow and a speech theripest 4 my kid----at 11 i would go 2 a specialest

    Answer by barb09 at 9:40 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.