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I just read a response to a question about molestation.. I have another question

theres a question on here stating that she does not want to go to family events if her paretns our going to be there cause they molested her.
I saw a statement that I hear a lot and that is about forgiveness or them apologizing. My question is if the parents apologized should she, or anyone else. still be around them? If she forgave them does that mean still that she should be around them? I saw a show about this topic and the person said that "just because someone apologizes does not mean you have to let them in your life". Also forgiveness means the same thing. Personally if someone molested my kids,me or someone I knew, no matter how much that person apologized or how long ago it happened I would not want to be around them.You can forgive but it does not mean you have to accept them.When they violated you they gave up the right to be your parent.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • you can forgive but not forget...i guess it comes to the point when you are able to have closer and over see what happens but the hurt is still within you and the pain...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 7:41 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Forgiving does not mean forgetting. No, she doesn't have to be around anyone that has hurt her, ever. That is her decision. Forgiveness is part of healing. If you can't forgive you can't move on.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:41 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I agree with you.
    stringtheory

    Answer by stringtheory at 7:41 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Honestly, I don't think I could even get to the "forgive part"... For somebody to molest a child, it's just beyond comprehension for me. And I sincerely doubt there was any way I could forgive somebody for that. So no, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around them, or allow my kids around them. Ever.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 7:42 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • i wouldnt allow them around the victim. that is a very private matter, and there is no way to prove that they have stopped the abuse (maybe they found another victim). yes, forgiveness is required for the healing process, but there is only so much u can expect out of someone who's been thru that.
    Phippsandrea

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 7:43 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I agree
    older

    Answer by older at 7:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I'm guessing you're talking about my reply. My thought line was assuming the parents apologized was depending on the sincerity of the apology. My DH's father did some unspeakable things to him when his mom left the two of them - but he was also laced out on drugs and constantly drunk. He has since then pulled a complete 180. In rehab, sober, no longer on drugs. He has apologized to my dh, seeks to make amends with my dh, and my dh has forgiven him. That is where I based my assumption. I don't know what that lady's parents were thinking or what had happened to do such horrible things, but I also am not the overseer of their actions. I do think people who do honestly seek forgiveness should be forgiven but that doesn't mean you have to want to be around them if you're not comfortable with it. There's only so much you can say with 940 characters so not everything is going to come out clearly.
    Cenchan

    Answer by Cenchan at 7:58 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • As I replied to that question, I don't want to be anywhere NEAR my real father after what he did to me (and many others!). And you can bet my kids are never going anywhere near him. The sad part is, he has never admitted (to me at least) that what he did was wrong. He has tried to justify it and push it away, but that is not the same. Maybe, if just once he would admit that what he did (and apparently still does) is sick, then I might CONSIDER meeting him somewhere VERY public withoput my children.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 7:59 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • That's my point, Ashley, it's not about the whole forgiveness, as much as you needing to hear the apology part. Even though you might not forgive for what happened, a person put through that at least needs to hear from the person that what they did was wrong. My brief comment didn't exactly spell that out, but that's what I meant.
    Cenchan

    Answer by Cenchan at 8:20 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • For years when i was younger this was done to me by my grandfather. i am no longer in contact with anyone in my family but my mother, father and brother. When it came out i became the black sheep of the family. there has been no apologies and honestly i dont know if i could even handle one. i want nothing to do with any of them.
    jbond83

    Answer by jbond83 at 8:26 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

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