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Need Advice teenage daughter

My daughter is 13 n lives with her dad and step mom. She refuses to come n see me. She will tell me yes one day and when i go to make the arragenments she says no. she use to live with me till she was 11 years old. then i became homeless and asked her dad to take her. Know everytime i try to get her she tells me yes n tells them no. we do have a court order but she has already said if she does come she will just runaway. every time she does this i get happy n then when she says no you can imagine. I dont know what to do. I love her n will always be here for her but i just dont know if i can go through her lies im not saying that ill stop talking to her i just need advice please

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daisy884

Asked by daisy884 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I am so very sorry. Are you still homeless?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • we all we kids at one point in time. i threathened to run away when i was younger. then my parents turned right around and threatened to put me in juvy hall too. i did run away one time. sure enought got put there. not for long. never did it again!!! i was not EVER going there again. it was horrible. sometimes you have to take drastic measures. I mean i learned from them!!! just my opinion tho
    jbond83

    Answer by jbond83 at 9:30 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • can her dad talk some sense into her? she must be very confused. and teenage girls are a real pain in the butt anyways... i am having a hard time understanding how she has the option to say no... someone is being too lenient - she needs rules more than ever right now between some obvious insecurities and the age.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:39 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I don't think she's lying to hurt you... I think she is afraid of the entire situation, confused and maybe even embarrassed and she is trying NOT to hurt your feelings.

    I would keep offering and give her time, and tell her "Just tell me no from the beginning if you don't want to see me; please do not lie to me again." Maybe she will at least be honest in the future, if she knows it hurts you.
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 12:16 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • It's possible that she wants to, but her Dad and StepMom must not want her to go. It's no telling what they have told her either. Just let her know that you'll be there for her when she needs you. Maybe she is afraid of her StepMom.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:27 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Try short visits to help her get more comfortable with you. I have a friend whose mom went through some difficult times like yours and they were scared to get close to her for a while. She said she felt she could not depend on her mom to offer support. What worked for them were short visits until the mother could reassure her DD that she would be there no matter what. It took some time but they are very close to this day. Hang in there Mama, don't give up on her.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 5:55 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • She sounds to be pleasing you, then pleasing her dad and step mom. She sounds to be in a sticky situation. I'm sure they talk bad about you in front of her '(which could be contempt of court) so she doesn't want to upset the people she lives with. Try planning just going to a movie and then take her home. Then the next time something else. Just for a few hours. Maybe go get your nails done. Show her that you have changed, and that you aren't all the bad things she hears about you from her father and step mothers mouth.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 11:30 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Do NOT push her, it will only make it worse. She could be feeling embarrased that her mom is or was homeless. Don't make assumptions that someone is speaking bad about you, don't assume anyone is influencing her in anyway, it could be that she is confused, hurt, whatever. Keep talking to her, keep communication open, let her know that you are there when she is ready to see you. Give her a choice. She may be 13, but she can still think. process and make her own decisions. Talk to her father and stepmother about getting her into counseling, including family counseling. Taking baby steps would be much better than forcing bigger steps. Always tell her that you love her. Teenage years are difficult and they don't need added pressures. Give her time, patience and love and she will come around.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:42 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I am no longer homeless. I have talked to her father and step mom they say what she wants thats what they will do. They dont think that there is a problem with her n there for no counseling. Her father has said he supports me and i cant imagaine him or his wife ever putting me down. They know how hard i try n that she is known to lie. I dont want to turn my back on her. but i also cant allow her to hurt me like this she knows what she is doing. I'll be here for her but if she wants me she is going to have to prove it. That may sound mean but she is going to have to take responsiblity. Oh can anyone tell me what a bump means on here
    daisy884

    Comment by daisy884 (original poster) at 4:36 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

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