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5 Bumps

How can mom's be so mean and judgemental?

As parents we all experience the same general things... what makes us look down on other mom's when they get frustrated and tired and feel like they are out of options? Most of my neighbors talk so awful about one family, the kids are always loud and wearing mismatched clothes, they have a hard time getting along with others and hardly eat anything. Nobody ever offered to help or talk to the family just talked about them. Suddenly one day the kids got even worse and the neighboring adults were so cruel to the family they moved away. Nobody took the time to know them... nobody knew the mother had cancer... and nobody knew when she died.

 
seturkey

Asked by seturkey at 1:55 AM on Oct. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Its sad but true. I have 2 very loud and active boys. My sil has 3 very quiet and studious children. She has always judged me
    as a parent, and believed my children were unpredictable scary things. What she fails to recognise is both boys have great manners, are loyal and thoughtful. Being into sport and laughing loudly, climbing and jumping from high trees does not mean your children are scary. By the way they have lovely clothes, but prefer their "old comfy ones" and quite frankly I have more important things to worry about than how they look.
    dayle7

    Answer by dayle7 at 3:29 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • It's so easy to see the results of something and not know the cause and make judgements. I try hard not to do that, but it is in our nature to some degree.

    I have found in my experience, though, that getting to know the people I look down on has always ALWAYS proven me wrong. There has ALWAYS been SOMETHING noble and beautiful about even the worst of the worst people I ever judged.

    Granted, I haven't known any killers or rapists lol.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:59 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I think it's because becoming a mom gives a lot of women a "god complex". It makes sense if you think about it because I sure as hell have, I still can't believe an actual human being grew inside my body and I delivered him and even more amazed that he is now a 2 year old person with his own little quirks. It's pretty amazing!! But I am still grounded and I understand that it has been done many times before and I am not so special in that way.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 2:00 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • i agree with ati 13. the whole mismatch clothes thing even my kids at times are like that normally if they go to school or some where important ill put up the fight to make them change but my four year old is at the stuborn phase of wanting to pick out his own clothes even if its his brothers two sizes to small. its hard being parents. some parents just learn to pick their battles with their kids most likely like the family your speaking of who cared more about spending what precious time they had with her children not fighting with their kids over not important stuff.
    iluvmymomasboys

    Answer by iluvmymomasboys at 2:05 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I think that for a lot of women, and men for that matter, it stems from their own insecurity. I think we've all, to some degree or another, felt that we've been a bad parent, or that we've been a failure and let our kids / spouse / family / friends down. In other words, that we're not perfect, and that we have regrets or worries or insecurities about those moments. So, when a person that hasn't come to terms with their own imperfections sees a person or family who appears to be "more messed up", then they like to point at it, and single it out, because then they can feel like "well, I'm not so bad, at least I'm not like THAT..." Sort of like a drunk, staggering out of a bar to get into their car and drive home (yet again), looks at a homeless person and says to themselves "I don't have a problem - look at THAT guy - HE'S got problems..."

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • cont

    I think that once people are able to come to terms with their own imperfections and inadequacies (because we all have them - NONE of us are perfect), then we're able to be more compassionate about the flaws in others, and are more willing to take the time to get to know someone and reach out to them to help them (as we all need help in some way or another at some point or another), before they form an opinion of the situation, and the people in it.

    Plus, standing back and judging is easier and makes a person feel superior - if they had taken the time to get to know the family, they might have actually felt the need to - gasp - help them. (Even before finding out that the reason was an "acceptable" one like a terminally ill mom. It could have been an abusive mom, and the kids could have needed an adult to step up and love them, and that takes effort, after all....) Sad, but true.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:10 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Great answers,Sailorwifenmom!
    The people who judge and "report others" ,etc, are the ones who put others down because they need to make themselves feel better ....they have no insight into how others feel or no compassion.
    Maturity and self-confidence allows us to see beyond the surface and realize that we all make mistakes and that we all need help and need to help others.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 9:42 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • People are just down right rude. I believe we should all talk to be no matter what they look like or how they act. None of us have a right to be judgemental, but i have to agree with truthteller mom as moms we do all get a complex and we all want our children to look grea no matter what. But if there is a family who has nothing try to befriend them in any way possible we all deserve that ven if we don't agree with their life style. And as a christian i have learned to be that way. Because none of us would like it if god would judge us. Let that be a lesson learned the next time something like that happens don't get caught up in the misconceptions of the world just do what is right.
    apiegurl

    Answer by apiegurl at 10:37 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

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