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5 Bumps

school work and maybe over doing it.

My girls have homework from school and do good in grades. They do homework and then dad wants to add more home work. Flashcards,math,etc. and it has led to some melt downs. I try to speak up and then get yelled at in front the girls. He says do not want to get smarter and better than the class. I think let them be cause they do what the are to do for school and good grades. I think one of these days he will turn them off of school. Any one else have this problem or am I to relaxed or am i doing okay with just what they are to do for school. Or his he going to push them to far? any advice.

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Asked by momindiana at 10:42 AM on Oct. 9, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 22 (13,326 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think we need to push our kids more than is expected of them in school.

    Answer by QandA at 10:46 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I think pushing them a little further than school is going to be beneficial for them. I think we all need to push our kids. However, if it is leading to melt downs, then I think it may be a little too much. And as for the yelling at you in front of the kids, to me, that is a HUGE no no and never should have happened, at all! I think that maybe the two of you could sit down and discuss all of this, maybe after they have gone to bed or something, and talk about maybe cutting some of the extra down so that the kids are melting down, but so that they are still getting that little bit of extra learning in. Good luck!

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 10:57 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Pushing them to an extent is one thing, but over doing it is another. You may regret it one day because your child may not want to go to school anymore. Like quit or something worse. Let them take there time they'll get the feel of what they need to do you'll see.

    Answer by apiegurl at 11:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I agree with QueenMomma about putting you down in front of the children ... BAAAAD sign !!

    As to the pushing for more academics: if the girls are in FIFTH grade - 11/12 years old - or older, then it IS good to spend time on higher quality learning. When they are younger than that, the main thing it is good to work with them on is their multiplication tables at around Third Grade, and on being very easy with addition and subtraction "facts" ( like knowing instantly what makes 13: 5+8, 6+7, 4+9, 10+3).

    Not sure how old they are (I'm a professional tutor) so can't say exactly. In second grade, they can get comfortable with 12 and under (12= 6+6, 10+2 ... 11= 6+5 ... 10= 5+5 and all of 10's combinations) ... In first grade, learning up to 8 is good. And so forth.

    It is hugely important to keep the mood playful and full of approval & fun, just like playing a board game. You join in with them, and share around tasty treats

    Answer by waldorfmom at 11:10 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • If your DH has to PUSH it, and it is not enjoyable for your kids, he is going to make them HATE learning IMO. Flashcards are great, but make it a family game time. Don't make them a nightly CHORE. Putting you down in front of the kids is HORRIBLE too. That is teaching them that it is okay to disrespect.


    Answer by KairisMama at 2:41 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • It is important to keep your kids involved in after school activities as this helps to grow their social skills. But too often parents overdo it and their children are involved in too many activities without any time to just be a kid. Some parents can find themselves enrolling their children in activities that they wished they could've done as a child. In turn causing the parent to live through the child. Too much of a good thing can quickly turn into a bad thing and if parents aren't careful they can wind up over stimulating their children and causing them to become burned out. Children should be involved in one or two after school activities. Children that are over stimulated will be more tired. Another big sign that your child is burned out is if their mood suddenly changes. They may become irritable and grouchier this is a sign that you need to cut out extra curricular activities.

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 8:41 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Education, learning, is so important and I agree with your husband's ideas about learning more and taking more time with flash cards,etc.
    Do not disagree in front of your children.If you want to question your husband's ideas, , wait until they are not in the room,hearing you. Children don't need to see their parents argue,especially about education.

    Obviously you could use a little more education...your errors in grammar are really obvious. Are you not happy with learning and schooling?Is that why you are against the extra flash cards,etc.?? Maybe you could participate in the learning process too?

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:55 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I don't disagree with adding more things, but its a issue if its cause problems with the kids. Talk to your husband about adding more but fun stuff for the girls. Maybe get into doing fun sceince projects.

    Answer by whoreallycares at 1:28 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I don't see anything wrong with doing extra etc. HOWEVER, if its to the point of causing melt downs then you are going past trying to help the kids to a control issue. There must be BALANCE.
    That said I would adress dh AWAY from the kids and I would DEF. be super on him about yelling at you in front of the kids. HOWEVER, I am ASS-uming that you also critized in front of the kids... this would best be done AWAY from little ears.
    there is a point at which NO information is going in. That's why cramming is not reccomended and maybe discuss that.
    Not against extra learning but about the imp. of balance and of knowing kids danger signals.
    i'm a teacher and I will tell you that if I see my kid is overwhelmed I will say.. okay enough for tonight bedtime (even if hw is not finished) -- not often but on certain occasions b/c at that point its just counterproductive.
    The issue is more HOW and WHEN it was adressed.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 9:40 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • My father did that to me with math and it completely made me refuse to learn the information he was trying to push. I am turning 50 and to this day, I still do not know my multiplication tables !!! Tthank God for calculators!!)

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 7:42 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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