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4 Bumps

If a mom starts dating, shouldnt the first thing they tell the guy , be that they have a baby ?

My brother has been dating a girl for going on 3 months, he works a full time job and is also a firefighter, but they still hang out almost everyday , she has met my parents ( and me) ..... everything

Well my brother just found out last night she has a 5 month old daughter ! How in the world can you not tell someone that you have seen pretty much everyday for the last 90 days " hey I just had a baby" .... I guess she has custody but she "lets the dad keep her" ...


I really hope my brother has better judgement next time ! lol
( he did break things off as soon as he found out.... but the thing is, he loves kids and cant wait to have them - he would probably would of wanted to bring the baby on their dates lol)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Oct. 9, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (24)
  • Thats definitely shady. I'm with you.
    I was dating a guy who was getting divorced, and failed to mention that his soon-to-be-ex was PREGNANT. That didn't go over well! Things didn't last long!
    The dishonesty is the worst part of it. The kid (for most people) is not the issue. I'm a big fan of disclosure from the get go, in general.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 10:50 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • when i meet my husband i told him from day one I HAVE KIDS AND THEY ARE MY LIFE...he chose to still want to get to know me but he did NOT MEET MY KIDS till i felt that the relationship was strong and worth moving to the next step...now we have a child together and we live the bigggggggggggg happy (sometimes..lol) happy (again sometimes) family...lol
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 10:51 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • She was probably scared she would lose him or never even have a chance if she was up front with him. It's still very stupid! If she is going to date, then she needs to be upfront with it so that she knows from the get go whether or not he is OK with it. Why would she want to even date a guy who does not accept her baby?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:55 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I was a young single mom and I didin't used to tell guys that I had a daughter after things were a little serious because trust me been 16 and having a daughter already all guys wanted was sex. It came out perfect for me because none of my bf break up with me because of that. Now when I met my dh I told him from day #1. Our first date was only me and him and the next were with my daughter until she went on vacation for the summer to Puerto RIco. Now he is going to adopt her. All situation are diferent.
    sweetyazfl

    Answer by sweetyazfl at 10:56 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Yes because u dont know if that person wants to take care of a kid or not and if u dont tell them then u will have to get ur heart broken if they leave because u have children and u didnt tell them
    TaylorsMom2009

    Answer by TaylorsMom2009 at 11:00 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. But i can se on her part that maybe she was a little scared to tell him at first for the purpose of that reaction. But he couldve been a bit more understanding and talked to her about it. Not just break up with her for it thats wrong. Some people like to try things out to see if there going to work first. And noone should be judgemental of her at all for that. To me it's not like she was looking for a daddy to take care of the baby she wqas just looking for some love. We all deserve love in our lives. Don't you think?!
    apiegurl

    Answer by apiegurl at 11:04 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • some people dont want to be involved in the battle of the ex's when it comes to kids that arent thier own. that seems like a sad situation your brother got himself into but how could he have better judgement next time if he wasnt told in the first place? it is up to them if they want to take on that kind of life...
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 11:05 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • maybe her brother had good reasons.....but yes i would definetly tell the other person that i have kids right off the bat so they know what they are getting themselves into and since it was 90 days before he knew, it didnt seem like she was in it just for sex
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 11:11 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I honestly dont know what i would do.I mean she was scared to tell him for a reason and her reason kinda happened.But Im going to lean more towards the telling the other person asap...
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 11:14 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I am not sure that I would have told them right off the bat unless they specifically asked. I would have waited a couple of dates to even see if it was worth mentioning. But I wouldn't have let it go on for three months without mentioning it! Maybe a couple of weeks, a couple of dates, and then I would mention it.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 11:15 AM on Oct. 9, 2010

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