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how to rekindle a broken relationship of over 13 years after ifidelity on my part, and the man involved is still legally married but separated?

I have been involved for over 13 years with a man who's legally married. By the time I found out he was married I'd fallen in love with him & stayed in it. Now, we have a 4 yeare old son who we both adore. Recently, he found out I'd been sexually involved with another man for a nmber of years and is very upset. He says wecan try to rekindle and see what happens....I no we still love each other and need to know how we should handle things in order for this to work..keeping n mind that he needs to get disvorced what do we do first? Please help....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Oct. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Sorry I have no advise for you....You're a home wrecker. Who cares that you feel in love with him. What about his wife and his other children if he has any? I think you should stay away until he is really divorced. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to sleep with his wife and you but yet he doesn't want you to have another relationship? Sounds controlling.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:32 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Please don't take this badly, but before anything can be done, he needs to be divorced. He says he's been legally separated for that time - why in the world hasn't he gotten a divorce yet? I understand that these things take time - but come on, 13 yrs? Even Prince Charles and Dianna were divorced sooner than that - and they had a throne to divide!

    Aside from that - yes, it was wrong for you to be having sex with another man, but then again, we're back to the point of - how can a man who is legally tied to another woman, and is showing no signs of ending that tie - be upset that you're with another man? I think that maybe you both need to take a step back, and take concrete steps (ending it with the other guy, divorcing his wife) to proving that you REALLY are committed to each other and to it working (as opposed to SAYING you are).

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:35 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Apologize. Say you won't do it again and don't do it again. Please tell why you even strayed in the first place. After you know what you needed and wasn't getting, get it from him not someone else. My DH shopping around for another and I am so upset and don't know why. And' it was me not you' won't cut it. Give him a reason if he asks. Least give him that much. .
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 12:36 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • And why is it ok for him to stray and you not to?
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 12:39 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • cont

    Unless you are BOTH willing to take that step, there isn't anything to save, because if he isn't willing to file for divorce at this point, then he's lying to you about being separated, and no matter how much he says he loves and adores you and your ds, you're really just something he plays house with on the side, and he's mad that someone else played with his toy so to speak.

    Now, if he IS willing to finalize the divorce, then the two of you would probably do well to go to see a counselor to re-build the trust issues that's going on - because, whether you want to admit it or not, there's a good chance you had the affair you did because you're angry that he's still married, and he's also angry and hurt that you "cheated" on him (even though, ironically, he's a cheater himself...).

    Whether he will go with you or not, I think counseling will help you sort this out the best for you and your ds.

    good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:39 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Wait a sec, he wants your fidelity when he didn't get out of his marriage??? That's unreasonable.
    First, both of you need counselling. He'll need a damn good lawyer because he's about to be taken to the cleaners.
    If you've waited for 13 years in the limelight for him, it's not going to be the same if you get him full time. You will see all of his flaws unlike what you think you know now. It won't be the same. Whatever you, don't neglect yourself or your son for him.

    I don't get what's there to rekindle. Did he think you'd be devoted to him for the rest of your life, only having less than half a man? He needs to get over it. This may be his chance to break free of both the marriage and you. Consider that too. He should be generous in his understanding that he was not there for you for 13 years as you needed and that you found the comfort that he could not provide.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 12:40 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Do you not respect yourself? He didn;t tell you he was married and now he is mad because while he was cheating on his wife with you you were seeing another man? He can't say crap to you. He is crazy.!!! Why do you feel bad? because he was married and with you or the fact that you honestly feel like you have hurt him? No way!! Find someone that will love just YOU
    samhain

    Answer by samhain at 12:02 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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