Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My husband says since we had kids I became boring, what should I do?

Answer Question
 
mamyerssteph

Asked by mamyerssteph at 12:35 PM on Oct. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Whatever you did to attract him in the first place. He is a touch inconsiderate by saying that to you when you more then likely are tired from the draining energy of raising children and all the other things that you do to maintain running a household but if you love him and and want to save your relationship then find some things that will bring the excitement back without putting extra strain on you. Also, inform him that he too can make some effort. Relationships are suppose to take effort on both sides. Many blessings and good luck
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Aren't we all ? This really torks my shorts! And he's the same ol ball of fun when you met? Neither one of you are the same. That's what kids do to you. He can deal with it. If not spray him with the kiitchen sink sprayer hose thing. Lol now that's exciting.
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 12:46 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • It's very important for us to be good moms. But, I think it's also easy for us to fall into the trap of focusing so much on the "mother" part that we forget to be the "wife and".
    My two kids are 15 mos apart, believe me, I understand how hard it can be to keep up with them and to have time to even breathe, let alone anything else. BUT - it's important - for you, for you marriage, and for your kids (because, not a slam on single parents, but kids really do benefit from being in an environment where they have 2 parents that love each other).
    SO - What you do is this - try to think back on what you did before you had kids, or even before you got married, that he found fun and interesting. Did you go out dancing? If so, hire a sitter once or twice a month and go - it won't make you a bad mom! Put the kids to bed early and make a romantic candle lit dinner for 2 and eat it picnic style in the living room.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:47 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • is what he said that you are boring because of the way you look or the way you became after the child arrived?

    i know when my aunt had a child, she became a bit of a bore. She used to have us at her house a lot during my childhood years and she used to be so cool and funny then when she had a child, we kind of werent so close anymore cause her attention was always on that child and his welfare. if your husband says your boring cause of the way you became, maybe do date nights and give him some attention.

    if its the way you look then i can relate. i dont dress up during the week like i used to. i used to do my hair and makeup everyday now im in my sweats without any makeup or hair done. Try dressing up just for him sometimes. i do that once in a while with my hubby. i like the compliments he gives too!
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:49 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • cont
    Or, make the dinner and eat it at the table - but wear some sexy teddy or something. Discuss a current event that you're interested in. Write him a dirty letter and tape it to his steering wheel. Basically, you don't have to be "on" full time - as a mom, especially if you have little ones - this is impossible. But aking the time, even once a week, to focus on your marriage - NOT as mom and dad, but as husband and wife, can go a long way. But, and I don't mean this mean, but if your dh is telling you this, this is a problem, and it's one that only you can fix - and the best way to do this is to take some time for the two of you, before it ends up too late and a few months from now you're posting that your dh cheated or left, and now you're no longer the "wife and" - you're only a mother :-(

    I know what I'm talking about - I almost made the same mistake, but followed this advice and happily married 18 yrs now.

    GL!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:56 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Well, are you? Boring, I mean. But on the other hand, what the hell? Is he just so much damn fun himself? Does he NOT realize how much having a kid take out of you? He needs to take some parenting classes. And he needs a kick in the ass. He also needs to learn how to be a better husband, because he's not being a very good one with this crap. Maybe he should help you out a bit, so you have the time to put into yourself like you had before. He still has all the time he did before, you don't.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:01 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • We have three back to back babies and we still keep it alive. Just the way I look at my dh sometimes even across the room can turn him on and make him feel like he is the only man in the world. We've been married 7 years and the flame has just gotten stronger for us. I'm not sure what to give you for advice since I do not know what your dh means.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 1:47 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Make sure you make time for your husband by having a special date night, He needs reasurance that you still love him too. At least once or twice a month hire a sitter and go out.
    Momabear455

    Answer by Momabear455 at 2:06 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • YOU CANT GO BACK AND SAY LET ME TRY TO BE LIKE WHEN WE MET...THAT'S BULLSHIT!...TRY EDEN OF FANTASY.COM.....LET YOUR IMAGINATION INTERTWINED WITH YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING!! LOL
    apple31

    Answer by apple31 at 4:33 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Thanks so much everyone for your answers. Your answers were pretty much on point. He is feeling jealous of the kids. Apparently they are getting all of my attention and he wants some. Thanks for all of your suggestions.
    mamyerssteph

    Comment by mamyerssteph (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN