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3 Bumps

Is it normal to not want to have sex? adult content

Our first child is 3 months old. I was induced at 41.5 weeks, and had him by c-section after 20 grueling hours of Pitocin induced contractions. I'm still sore around the scar site, but I can function okay.
I always enjoyed bedroom intimacy with my hubby, up until the night before I was induced. Now, in the past 3 months, I've only been up to attempting sex twice. The first time, he could barely penetrate before I was in pain. The second time, I held out just long enough for him to finish. But I didn't enjoy either time.
Now I'm afraid to get intimate with him - it hurts worse than our first time! And it's not near where I got cut open.
I just went down to part-time work and lost my medical benefits, so we've got the bare minimum. I don't want to go to the doctor until I've exhausted my other resources.
Any ideas ladies? Even if you don't have any, bump me please, so others can find me easier. I miss my love life!


Asked by Reenieredhead at 4:50 PM on Oct. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,701 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • It doesn't sound like your libido's gone anywhere, but that you're busy doing other things and afraid of the possibility of pain.

    Go get a copy of Kim Cattrall's "Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm" and expect to take some time getting to know your body... and helping your sweetie to get to know your body again. A lot has changed --you'll find you're more sensitive to some things, and less sensitive to things you used to feel...

    You may like to investigate Tantric sex --because it's slower, more exploratory and gentler than 12 seconds of foreplay and wham, bam... done. Which, frankly, isn't very satisfying to men, either.

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:01 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I have a friend who didn't have sex with her husband for 8 months after her daughter was born. She was induced and gave birth vaginally. She got the Mirena IUD put in though, which has hormones that can lower sex drive, so that may have been part of the reason she wasn't up to it for so long.

    Answer by katinthehat8914 at 5:02 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Three months isn't that long, in the big picture. I know moms who weren't comfortable for almost a year. Maybe if you get dressed sexy, think sexy, act sexy it will jump-start your body into wanting it more.

    Answer by silversmom at 5:02 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Libido is one thing, pain is another. If your libido is low, chances are it's caused by a vitamin and mineral deficiency caused by pregnancy and increasing your intake of food sources of iron, calcium, magnesium, zinc, B vitamins, vitamin C and Omega-3 and Omega-6 essential fatty acids may help over the course of three months of consistent intake. The pain you describe is something else entirely. Is it a matter of natural lubrication? Is your pain inside or outside? If it's a matter of lubrication, the dietary change plus some extra lubrication may help. If your pain originates from the inside, you will probably need a doctor's advice.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:54 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • hmm. i gave birth less than three months ago, and there have been times when i've pretty much raped him. i think hormones are coming into play a little bit, but i think it's mostly the fear of pain, like pp said. when i'm scared it's going to hurt, i just can't go through with it.
    my advice would be to do what gets you going the most, what relaxes you the most. does dressing up relax you? being on top? what kinds of foreplay get you going? for me, when i'm pleasuring him, he becomes irresistable. so maybe a little massage for him for a while (whether it's with your hand or your tongue - i'll let you decide), really concentrate on how happy it's making him, and you'll find yourself relaxing a bit more.
    a nice long bubble bath might be helpful, too. do whatever you need to, mama!

    Answer by AngryBob at 7:29 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • My husband is pretty good about massages and "warming me up" before hand. But I haven't even felt like instigating anything since DS was born. I used to be "on the rampage" at least once in a while. Now, I could really care less if we have sex. But for him, he's very touchy feely (Physical Touch Love Language) and it's not just because he's male. I worry about hurting him emotionally. I want him to know I still find him attractive and I still deeply love him.

    Comment by Reenieredhead (original poster) at 5:05 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • if your willing to go one-sided give, it will ensure he knows you find him attractive. I will do that for DH because he's always horny during my hell week and I'm not into sex during. He gets attention and usually "pays back" later.

    Answer by silversmom at 5:20 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • ahh, u've read my fave book!! lol. my dh is the same way. and my libido is extreemly high when i am not pregnant or just had a kid. Like now. ... i told him, "i take care of the kids all day, clean house, try to work out, and run errands. when u get home, i want some private time for just me. and sex isnt on my mind." he seemed to understand a lil more once i just said it. but its proven that ur drive will be lower or u get less pleasure out of sex bc ur body isnt producing the same amount of natural lube.
    try and take the time to get in the mood, use lots of lube, and be open. i am sure that once u get back into the swing of things, u'll feel the same as before.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 5:21 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I had my son 5 months ago and have no sexual desires what so ever. I'll do things for DH's benefit from time to time, for he has urges, but I want nothing. I don't know when it will pass.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • Glad to know I'm not alone!

    Comment by Reenieredhead (original poster) at 5:31 PM on Oct. 9, 2010