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How can I get my husband to take an active roll?

My husband will not participate with our daughter. She will be 10 months tomorrow and he has only ever changed one diaper and he never watches her alone. We live with my parents so my mom always watches her while I am at work...even if he is home! She has asked me about this and I don't know what to say. All he does is play WOW on the computer. Sometimes I ask him to watch her while I take a shower or something and he acts like it is a chore. I have talked to him about it but he says he's just busy, or tired, or whatever. I don't like conflict so I won't fight with him about it, I just need to know what I can say or do to make him understand he needs to be a DAD not just someone else who lives in this house.
please help, any suggestions welcome. Thank you in advance.

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Love2BMommy77

Asked by Love2BMommy77 at 2:26 PM on Oct. 26, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 6 (114 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • ok..so we have the SAME hubby??? lol mine is the same way, like GOD forbid i wanna shower for 5mins...its a huge deal for him to watch the 2 kids!! I have a 2yr old and a 3month old, i think its something that will NEVER change, we change after having a baby,guys they dont change and NEVER will...my mom watches the kids too when he's home and i have to drive to her house 20mins away...my step dad has a fit becasue he is their father, he should be watching them, not my mom and step dad!! good luck!
    MariahsMama09

    Answer by MariahsMama09 at 2:33 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I think that some men are just lost and really don't know what to do! Maybe you could try leaving him with the baby for say a half hour while you run to the store and then increase their time alone. Ask him to help give her a bath or feed her. Tell him you are tired and need a break and he will just have to do it! Does he play with the children or spend time with them?
    RhondaJ

    Answer by RhondaJ at 3:04 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I could have written this myself... except the game is Warhammer... he does watch her on Saturday mornings for two hours while I work, but he talks about it all week lol... its so hard to be him. Oh and recently he doesn't do any household chores either. Men suck.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 5:31 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I LOVE this question because I have a DH that was just overwhelmed and scared. Here is what you do: You give him choices. Say you just finished dinner and your child needs a bath but the dishes need to be done also - ask him WHICH one he would like to do NOT IF he would like to do one.... or give him two choices about your child (to make it more about your daughter. AND if he does do something, you cannot critisize him.... good luck.
    madzachmom

    Answer by madzachmom at 9:31 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • not in your shoes, but... this is what i would do.. take his game disk from the pc, and break it.. then suddenly have your mom say she has to leave cause so and so fell and he needs to be a dad to his daughter, and have her leave.. not kidding.. if you are at work, just before you leave, grab that damn disk and take it.. then a few hours into the day if he is home.. guess what, aunt so andso slips, and your moms needs toleave.. have her make up a lunch for baby and tell hubby what to do.. some men need a clue... my bf is very helpful with our son.. yesterday he took the baby to see his dad, while my mom and gf went to the womens convention for 6 hours.. it was great..
    sweetscrappin

    Answer by sweetscrappin at 10:57 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • I can't say my husband is that bad, comparatively, because he will watch the baby for as much as a few hours. Two hours seems to be about the limit...if I'm out running errands any longer than that, he calls me! "When are you coming home?" From the beginning, he has acted as though the "default" is that I take care of the baby. Even if we're both home all day, he assumes he's free to do whatever, and if I need to take a shower or get some chore done, he's doing me a "favor" by watching our son. Hey, it's not a favor...he's equally a parent! Oh, and sometimes while I'm doing whatever it is I need to do (drying my hair, etc), he stands there holding the baby, hovering, like he's just waiting so he can throw the kid into my arms again. He's a loving dad, but like a lot of dads, he just don't know what to do with babies to keep them occupied. I'm told the more interactive the baby becomes, the better it'll get.
    Mamastheword

    Answer by Mamastheword at 11:43 PM on Oct. 26, 2008

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