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I'm in a funk I need someone to talk to....

Okay here's the deal. I'm married with kids but my husband is away for work and wont see him for a few more months. For the past couple years all we've done is fight but right before he left we started t get a long better. But I didn't cry when he deployed. Now that he's gone I started facebook to get in touch with old friends and I got in touch with an old friend from high school. We talk all the time and we get along great and we have so much in common unlike me and my husband. He pays be compliments and tells me I took beautiful. I can't remember the last time my husband told me that.....
Here's the thing I don't have feelings for my friend what so ever and I love my husband but I'm starting to wonder about my marriage.... I won't ever cheat on my husband. I wont ever date my friend because I dont feel anything for him. He's just a good friend. But I'm confused on what I feel for my husband....I dont know what to do anymore

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • You want to be wanted and need to be needed. He's not there so he can't show that he needs and wants u. Mine isn't depployed bit works out of town won't be home this time til the 20th. He gets pissy before. He has to go so we are all pissed at each other . I think he does this so he doesn't feel so bad for leaving. Yours may bedoing the same thing too
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 1:13 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Could part of it be that your husband is away? We tend to either forget or exaggerate how good something is when we're not around it every day. And as far as the compliments, etc, unfortunately a lot of husbands drop off after a while. Maybe just remind him how much you love hearing it when he gets back. Also... Have you ever seen the movie "Why Did I Get Married?" They talk about something called the 80/20 rule.. Even if you're with someone who has the 80% of qualities that you need, you're gonna want someone with the 20% your person doesn't have. Don't beat yourself up over this, you're not doing anything wrong. Just wait it out and see how you feel when your husband gets home, chica.
    KA91

    Answer by KA91 at 12:45 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • That's a slippery slope. I limit my personal conversations/FB interaction to other women. I would not open the door to reconnecting with even a good guy friend, because you never know where that could end up. Things happen. If I were you I might look for other women who's hubby's are also deployed. You could support each other and develop friendships, that would also enrich and support your marriage. You could even post a question here . . 'who's hubby is currently deployed?'
    blessedwithree

    Answer by blessedwithree at 12:49 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • If you care at all about your marriage stay away from male friends. No matter how you may feel for them now you never know when the situation may arise and that friend can be a comfort when it should be your husband. Your marriage has suffered and is under stress but it seems like you just need to wait and talk to him about how you feel. Fight for your marriage, no good marriage was easy. Remember marriages go through stages, this is probably one of them.
    cynthiaesquivel

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 3:14 AM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • It sounds like you just want to be wanted and loved. Let your husband know that. Send him emails every day letting him know how you still feel about him, that you do love him and miss him, and can't wait to show him how you feel. I would keep the friendship with the friend you found on Facebook, but keep it tame. Since you're married, I would let him know that, while the compliments are appreciated, they should be coming from your husband, not an old friend.

    I would maintain the friendship with male friends. I think it's stupid to cut off friendships with male friends because of possible shenanigans. If one really cares about their marriage, they won't let the FRIENDSHIP with another guy interfere. We're all adults here (I hope). Adults should be responsible for their actions and know the consequences.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2010