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2 Bumps

Mom issues...

So the other day, my parents got a piece of mail in their mailbox that was for my hubby. My dad calls me up on the phone asking if he can open it, so he can save us gas so we don't have to go over there. I asked my hubby if my dad could open it. He said no. My dad got mad and kept pushing and pushing and asking questions about why a bank would be sending a letter to their house. David, my husband, had every right to say no. It's his mail! So then my mom gets on the phone, and asks me again, and I said no. They have both been doing a lot of things that irritate me. Like when I bring the kids over to their house or when they come here, they pay attention to my 14 month old and act like my newborn doesn't even exist. They maybe hold him for 15 min. When I try to talk to them, the ignore me for my 14 month old. The therapist told me to tell them how I feel, so I wrote an email, now my mom is ignoring me.

 
Becca1189

Asked by Becca1189 at 12:05 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,561 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You're lucky your dad even asked you...if by some strange chance I get something in the mail at their house...he opens it anyway, without even asking. He even went behind my back once and checked my credit score...I have no idea how he even got my SSN. Anyway...Honestly I don't think there is anything you can do about your mom ignoring you...you did the right thing by emailing her and telling her how you feel, and now she is being the immature one by not answering you. I would give it a few days, and if she doesn't respond to you in some way, email her again....you can't let her act like you didn't say anything...they are your feelings and they are important. Good luck!
    fallnangel93

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 12:13 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • My oldest son using our address as his mailing address, he is a US Marine and needs to keep a mailing address in his own state. All of his bills come to my house. I do call him when something comes in, I don't open it unless he wants me to, then I shred it. My middle son still lives at home, but has a job and a bank account and I do not open his mail either. It sounds like your parents have control issues and think that you and your husband cannot handle your own life and they need to do it for you. I would back off from calling or visiting you parents for a little while. If they want to be involved with your kids then there are rules they will have to abide by. You might want to ask you mother how she felt when(or if) her mother butted into her life like she is doing to you.
    Bagofwind

    Answer by Bagofwind at 1:12 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I don't know why your parents feel they have to open your mail. Your a married woman and deserve the respect of privacy. Why they would report you to child services would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry your going through this, but be firm and respectful if you can.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 2:20 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I had the right to tell her how I feel. I just feel like they aren't showing us any respect. I want them in my kids lives, but this is getting ridiculous. I was the adult and told them how I felt. I wasn't rude or anything, so why is my mom being immature and not writing back and totally ignoring me. They have no right to be mad... What should I do?
    Becca1189

    Comment by Becca1189 (original poster) at 12:06 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Yes I know why it was sent there. We owe that particular bank $75. I am not sure why they didn't just send it here, they are probably sending it to the last known address. We didn't want them to open it because last time it back fired. They opened my mail from my car insurance and found out that it had been canceled. They went to social services and reported us. My own parents reported us. They told the Social Services that we were driving without car insurance (which we weren't, my old policy was canceled and I started a new one) and that our house was messy (which it wasn't, there were a couple dirty dishes) and that we propped the bottle (which was true at that time, because our daughter could actually hold her bottle). Social services showed up and told us we were fine and left. I don't trust my parents with the mail any more. Can anyone blame me?
    Becca1189

    Comment by Becca1189 (original poster) at 12:21 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • i think you did the right thing my emailing your mom and expressing your feelings about the situation. if she doent resond soon i would bring it up again. i would have said no about the mail too; its none of their business. my mom would have done the same exact thing your parents did; sometimes she doesnt know when to stop. the only thing you can do is stick to your guns and hopefully they will come to respect your feelings. maybe you also need to have a "heart to heart" and let them know that its your life, your in control, and to please respect that. good luck. i'm struggling with this too.
    iluvmybabe

    Answer by iluvmybabe at 12:23 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • People tend to make a big fuss over newborns but not to the degree you are speaking by somewhat dismissing your other child. That baby doesn't understand and it will affect them to feel that they are not loved as much. As for the mail thing your husband was right. His business is not theirs unless he wants to share it. If you are being ignored for speaking on how you feel on these matters then let it go. Let them take the first step in contacting you now. I know this is your parents but they need to respect you as an adult and your family. I must admit I do not understand your parents actions but it doesn't matter. Check on them from time to time if they do not respond soon and just, if you are spiritual, pray for them. Other than that go on with your life and be happy. Many Blessings to you
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 1:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Time to put in to forward yours and DH's mail regardless of what and who its from...and as for them calling Social Services because of something they have no proof of is a shame...
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 4:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Wanted to add that someone said the issues are not "that bad" ...well to them it may not be "that bad"... but to you it is and do not just stand by and allow them to disrespect you and your DH for simply requesting they not open YOUR mail. They also said if you "just told them" it wouldnt be bad...shame on them for thinking that...you have the right to NOT tell them a thing if you don't want to...First off it is your privacy and your right to deny them knowledge of that which you feel is private...You and your DH are adults and yes it is nice to know your parents are available but they are not always a necessity to live every day...and definately not a necessity to make adult decisions!
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 4:58 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • The two issues you just came up. To me were not really, reason to be upset with your parents. Maybe your over reacting? I would just be glade that they are around. Things could be A LOT worse. As for the mailing issue. You are right. They did not have a right to open his mail after he asked them not to and should have left it at that...But, why would something from a bank be coming to your mom and dads house in your husbands name? Do you even know the reason why? I do think that, that question should have been answered. Especially if its not for any bad reason. Perhapes if he would have just told them why the entire issue would have been resolved.
    smarie1011

    Answer by smarie1011 at 12:15 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

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