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If you have a lot of hate for one person can a loving and helpful attitude towards everyone else counteract it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (16)
  • no? it's healthier to forgive the person, and work on yourself.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 1:26 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I don't want to forgive him. By forgiving it excuses everything he's done and allows him to continue it. But not allowing him to see me or my son he'll be hurt everyday just like he hurt me. It's my dad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:28 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • forgiving someone doesn't mean that you will allow him to continue. i forgave my ex-husband, but i still divorced him. forgive, but not allow yourself to be put in the same situation.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 1:34 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Generally, the real anger and bitterness comes from not forgiving oneself: you hold onto the anger aimed away from yourself so you can't see (and will not touch) how you participated, invited it, or elected to put up with it for far longer than you would ever suggest a stranger do.

    Don't forgive him. Forgive yourself for being involved... for being naive... for what you didn't know... for hoping it would be different than it was...

    This is important work *particularly* for survivors of child abuse --because a great deal of the blame is on them. Their own, I mean. As in 'it's my fault he doesn't love me, because I'm bad' or 'it's my fault she hurts me, because I'm bad'. One of the most helpful things to move through the healing process is forgiving the helpless child for being helpless, not the powerful adult for being powerful.

    It's hard to face our helplessness. It's easier to hold bitterness and fury.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:46 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • No it never excuses a person's a behavior but it releases YOU from the actions he did to you.. unforgiveness will continue to hold you in bondage to what that person did. True freedom for YOU is forgiving and releasing that person into God's hands and what goes on between that person and God is between them. You will encounter true healing if you do this otherwise.. unforgiveness can cause you a lot of problems physically, emotionally and mentally.
    I am telling you I have heard stories of people forgiving someone and get totally healed physically , emotionally and mentally. They realized it was unforgiveness that was wrecking havoc in their mind body and soul. They became so free once they stepped into the forgiveness! You need to do this for you. :-)
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • In my experiences, I can forgive the person but NOT the actions he/she caused. It takes a long time, well for me it did.
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 1:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • oh and hatred and bitterness can do the same thing to a person as well. Gotta let it all go! :-)
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • The hatred you hold inside yourself will eat away at you. If your dad has not changed, and you need to stay away from him and protect your son from him by not being in his life at the moment, that is fine....but the need for revenge will change you and all it will teach him is that you hate him....he won't see a lesson in it, etc....unless he is sorry and wants forgiveness and wants to change....BUT.....your hatred will change who you are....and you may not like the person in the mirror after a while....(speaking from experience here)....I do understand you are in pain and coming from a place of pain....I wish you peace.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 3:32 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • It is good to forgive but I would not forget in order to protect myself and my child. That doesn't mean living a life of anger and dwelling on the bad, it just means keeping your guard up. You can forgive and remain aware in order to keep you and yours safe.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:46 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • It is my experience that bitterness, anger, and resentment not only hurts you but will also end up hurting your child(ren). If you really want to protect your child(ren) forgive everyone that you are angry with, including yourself. Forgivness is for you not them, it doesn't excuse anything that they've done. It only brings peace to your soul while allowing God to take action against those that have hurt you.

    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 5:37 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

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