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4 Bumps

My husband has a very tough time dealing with children because he had a rough childhood and grew up without a mother. I recently found out that I was pregnant and now i'm scared to tell him because I'm afraid he'll be upset. Should I tell him or consider adoption. I really hate the thought of giving up our baby what should i do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • Tell him. He needs to get over his past. We all go through struggles. My childhood wasn't a walk in a park and I basically didn't have a mother or dad either. My past is who made me today and is why I'm a better mother then mine ever was. He may be thrilled, you need to work on this together but you shouldn't give up a baby because he can't get over something that happen so many years ago. If he's struggling still it sounds like he needs professional help.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:43 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • It's totally different when it YOUR child. Give him a chance to get used to the idea. You may both be surprised how he feels.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:44 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I'm also hoping that having his own child may bring the love out of him and he may never treat this baby as he was treated. How is he with animals? If he shows kindness and love than he is going the opposite way that he grew up in which is good. Good luck hon. People who have been abused will either abuse or go the opposite way. Hope that he has for you and this precious babies sake.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 3:49 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • You shouldn't have to give up your baby. It is your baby too. I'd figure out what you want and expect out of life and for your family. Then lovingly tell him about the new life that will be joining your family. See how he reacts from there. If he is dead set against starting a family, then you may have to make a decision. I personally couldn't give my baby up for adoption because my husband couldn't deal with it. He helped create that baby. He vowed to love me for better or worse and sometimes the family grows. We learn how to deal with it. He could always go to counseling. It may not be as bad as you think it is. Learning that he has a baby on the way may be a happy occasion for him.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 3:49 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Tell him. He deserves to know. If he's still anxious about the parenthood thing, maybe he can look into counseling. He may just surprise you.
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 3:51 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • If not counseling there are some sweet books out there about fathers and children. Maybe something like that might help. Just an idea.......
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:55 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I think you should absolutely tell him. He deserves to know, and it's not right for you to keep it from him. You never know what will happen, but he does need to know. We all have pasts...We just have to move past them, and learn from them. There is a lesson to be learned in everything we've been through. So yes, he had a rough past, but maybe he just wants to get past that, and move on. Don't be afraid to tell him that you've pregnant.
    Charlie98

    Answer by Charlie98 at 4:01 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • He has every right to know! Plus hes going to find out at some point & u dont want him to resent u for not telling him sooner. u might be surprised @ his reaction. He might be happy deep down about it. Dealing with other peoples children is much diffrent then dealing with ur own! Give him the chance to decide how he wants to feel! Good luck!
    ahsweetness

    Answer by ahsweetness at 4:23 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • TELL HIM!!
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 7:36 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • For sure, tell him. You two can discuss what needs to happen and make decisions that are best for you and your family. Tell him you don't want a decision right away, because he may need time to get over the shock. It might be a good idea to go to counseling as a couple to help him deal with his childhood issues. He may come around. I agree with the comments that it's SO different when it's your own child. He may pleasantly surprise you.
    I get a sense that you'd regret giving up this child. I hope he's able to get past his past and step up. Best of luck to you! =)
    And congratulations!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 7:49 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

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