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Issues with my nephews mom

My brother has a so with this woman and when they were dating we got along great. My brother broke up with her and want's nothing to do with his son. I told her I'll be willing to give her my sons old clothes but I want to see my only nephew. Now she's all pissed off at me sending me nasty messages through my brother. She says I promised her the clothes and I'm a fucked up aunt for not handing them over. Says no one will ever see my nephew until my brother man up and starts paying child support yet she wants help from our family. She ask my parents for diapers, wipes and formula but when they asked where she lived she said her boyfriend would pick them up and they can't see their own grandson.
I'm I wrong wanting to have contact with my nephew in exchange for clothes? My brother is loser and wont ever man up. Hell I dont even have to give her stuff since he's not my child but I'm willing to help but I wan to see him.

 
mommy_of_two388

Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 4:24 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't give her shit!!! I understand that it is your nephew but come on if she really wants to be like that then i wouldn't do anything for her, in some states they have grandparents rights i would definately have you parents check into that, so they may see there grandson, and you will be able to see him too. Check it out maybe it could help, also give your brother a swift kick in the ass that might make you feel a little bit better!
    Bluesdawg02

    Answer by Bluesdawg02 at 4:38 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I'd advise staying out of it. Honestly, I think your brother has screwed it up for your whole family and she is probably extremely angry at all of you. I'm not saying it's right but what you are saying doesn't sound good either. "I'll give you something but here is what I want in return." Mothers get touchy when backed into a corner and you're basically saying you'll only help if things go your way. If you truly want to offer help, do that. Do not attach conditions because that is not help. Help is unconditional.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • It is too bad your brother won't "man-up" and take responsibility for his child. I can see where she would be pissed at him, but I think it is unfair of her to take out her anger at him on the rest of your family- who want to be a part of the baby's life. She needs to stop demanding things from your family as it is NOT you/ your parents responsibility to provide clothes, diapers, wipes, formula.. it is the PARENTS (her, your brother) responsibility. It is wrong of her to demand/ expect you all to help out, and then with-hold the child from you. If she keeps it up you may just want to tell her enough is enough, the 'gravy train has ended' stop giving her things and cut all ties with her. She is a user and a taker and she is using the baby and with-holding baby visits as a means to punish and hurt everyone. She does not give a damn that she is hurting you, or that her child will be hurt by this as well
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 5:01 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • OP HERE


     


    He was born in May and the only time I've seen him is one single picture she has on him here on cafemom. It's the profile picture so it's very small.

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 4:25 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • So you withholding help from your nephew so you can get to see him? How does this help maybe she thinks your using the clothes to get something she is not comfortable with yet. Saying you will give her the clothes if she lets you see her nephew is kind of like holding out hope for a man who is dying of thirst saying if you believe in our such and such you can have the water maybe you just start out slow and meet her out for lunch and work your way up?
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Pink dragon she refuses to see me. I tired that lunch idea and told her I'll pay but she shot me down saying her new man will pick up the clothes. I was going to help her until she said no one in my family will ever see my nephew no matter what but she thinks we are obligated to help her anyways. She's not struggling btu I don't need this old clothes. She never even said thank you when I offered to help. She said it's about time someone from her family helped her.

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 4:54 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • So basically what your family is saying is do what we say or we will not help you the father of her child wants nothing to do with him but here you are trying to force her into a corner? Maybe your family should sit down with a third party somewhere where you both feel safe and discuss whats best for this child and realize when a person finds out the person they had the child with wants nothing to do with it its hard but right now she is his mom and she might need help and not getting it from the father is hard but here comes the family saying we will help but only if?? Like I said maybe the clothes are a way to get her to soften or just reach out an olive branch in a sea of demanding people
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:58 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • NO we are willing to help her but she wants nothing to do with us. She refuses to even come near us. She just keeps sending her new man a long begging for money and stuff for the baby. I just got into the situation a couple months ago when my mother offered my old clothes to her and I saw no problem. I asked if we can work out a deal but she wont budge. Says if we take her to court she flee the state. I think its BS on her part wanting us to help but not working with us.

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 5:04 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • i don't think ur wrong that's not fare at all 1st his dad don't come around now she's not going to let him have a aunt or his grandparents yeah what a mom
    Paigesmommy78

    Answer by Paigesmommy78 at 4:37 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

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