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Semi vent about my grandma

I know someone will say that she doesn't realize what she said,but I know she did. My grandma is in kidney failure and is dying. I went to see her one last time. She was conscious and alert. She says hi to my cousin,tells her she looks more beautiful everytime she sees her. Says hi to me and then says "wow! You've really gained weight!" My heart dropped into my stomach. This could be the last time I see her and she calls me fat. This will be my last memory of her. My cousin lisa is beautiful,and I'm fat. This is how she sees me. If she wasn't aware of what she was saying,why did she praise her and put me down? She made me feel about an inch high today.

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 6:15 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • I am so sorry. I know how that stings. An aunt of mine used to give me a dollar if I had lost a few pounds (as an adult, not a child). I was so hurt and insulted. All she saw when I walked in the room was my weight. She has passed on and that is the first thing I think of when I think of her. It is not exactly the same as you experienced, but it stings the same. I hope you can concentrate on any happy times you had with her and look for the good. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:37 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I don't know what to say. I won't make excuses for her. The only reason I know of that she wouldn't know what she was saying is if she was in so much pain or if she had dementia. But, you said kidney failure, not dementia. She should be on all kinds of good stuff, so pain shouldn't be an issue, BUT, and meds she's on COULD affect her memory, so, it really could be the medication. I guess I kinda am making excuses, sorry. Maybe you can go back tomorrow? By yourself? And give it another shot. See how she is, and hopefully she won't say anything that will make you feel so badly. Though, I know it won't make the sting of this comment go away.
    I'm really sorry she's dying, and I'm really sorry she said something that will haunt you.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:27 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Just forgive her and remember the good times you had with her. I know it will be dificult to do but think of the ways she showed her love for you. I am sorry to hear you are loosingsomeone so close to you.
    nanny29

    Answer by nanny29 at 6:30 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I have 2 healthy grandma's, but trust me- they don't always realize the way they say things may hurt. You know they don't mean to hurt your feelings but it's like they don't have a filter- they just say whatever they want. I love my grandmas dearly and just try to blow off the little things they say. Like the previous poster said, just try to focus on the positive....maybe someday you'll be able to look back at this and laugh!!

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 6:35 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I wish there was some good to remember her by,but there just isn't. She always tried to knock me down,even when I weighed 115 lbs. I could never be good enough in her eyes. I was trying to be a good person byseeing her one last time. I regret it now.
    butterflyblue19

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 7:41 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • So now you need to take comfort in the fact that you are a kind, loving, person. That you looked the other way and decided to go see her one last time. Sometimes we simply have to know in our hearts that we ARE good enough and deserving of love. Not accepting you as you are was a problem she had, not you.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:55 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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