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How can I make my bf happy with out letting him control every aspect of my life? adult content

We have been together over a year now and for the first 6 months it was absolutely perfect. There was not one negative thing I had to say about him, but then things started to change. If I ask a question about anything he acts like im interogating him and gets defensive, I cant talk to anyone of the opposite sex unless it is family because he says that there would have to be more to it even the gay girl across the street he accused me of messing aroung with just because I didnt want to take a shower with him after I came back home from a visit that was maybe 15-20mins and I am far from gay or I would be with a woman. I love him to death and he says he loves me and my 2 girls but I feel like if he does not have control or he feels as though he does not have control I am out doing something I shouldnt.

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Justme6944

Asked by Justme6944 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You can't make him happy, he has to figure that out on his own. You also can't let someone control you like that, it will only get worse. You have two choices, either let him do what he has been doing and walk on eggshells for the duration of your relationship or lay down the law and tell him it is absolutely NOT acceptable for him to treat you that way. Sorry you are going through this:(
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 9:30 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Its not you, you can not make him happy. he has issues, if I were you I would run away as fast as possible.

    Controlling men usually get worse and I am an adult and do not want to be told what to do for the rest of my life.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:31 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • I feel stuck because I love him and want to make him happy but it comes and goes. Its either really good or really bad but at the current time I have no where else to go. Long story...and again I love him and so do my girls.
    Justme6944

    Comment by Justme6944 (original poster) at 9:34 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Do you want your girls growing up and seeing your example of being a wife to a man who tells them what to do all the time? Or do you want them to grow up and know they can be strong minded women who dont have to take crap off of anyone?

    Your girls look to you to learn how to deal with relationships. Is this what you would want for them in the future.

    CHOOSE to find someone else to love. It can happen!
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:36 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • RED FLAG GIRL!!! You had your "honeymoon period" now he's comfortable and here starts the alienating you from the world and your loved ones so he can control you now. This is the beginning of an abusive relationship. If you choose to stay, do not be suprised if he lays hands on you eventually if he hasn't already. I'd cut my losses before you lose anymore. You will NEVER make him happy or secure.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:37 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • Either he is guilty about something or maybe someone in his past hurt him really bad (insecure) GL I hope you guys work it out.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • You can't "make" anyone happy and you're not going to change him. If you're not doing anything wrong he has no reason to accuse you and therefore you need to recognize this as a problem with him. Control = abuse. Abusers are very good at making their victims feel responsible for their happiness and their accusations. This is a very unhealthy relationship. Think about the example you are setting for your children - is this what you want to teach them? You might want to rethink your definition of love... I am not a Bible follower but I love the definition of love as provided in 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 - this is a good guide.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:36 PM on Oct. 10, 2010

  • being in a controlling relationship is unhealthy-.you can't make your controlling bf happy. so why stay in the relationship.
    canta1980

    Answer by canta1980 at 12:54 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • RUN AWAY! This is only the beginning. Break ties now, while it's not as painful for you and your kids haven't formed much of an attachment to him. He takes advantage of your "wanting to make him happy". He'll isolate you from your friends and family (he's already starting) Your girls don't need to witness all of this. They will mimick whatever you do. Do you want them to be with abusive men? Do you want them to "love" someone who will constantly put them down?
    CassyzMom

    Answer by CassyzMom at 6:09 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • i agree with everyone else. i don't think this is healthy and i do think it's a sign of worse things to come, like abuse. i know it's gotta be tough because you love him but what about your happiness? maybe you should point out to him that what he's doing is a warning sign and if he continues you'll have to leave. it's very possible that he doesn't even realize what he's doing but if he does realize it...i would definitely leave. you guys are sharing your lives together ( and really your not completely at that point) not becoming eachother's entire world in isolation. best of luck to you :)
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 6:52 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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