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Parents seem so concerned about who is bullying their child. Who of us checks to make sure our child isn't the bully?

How do you make sure they aren't? If you find out they are what can we do to help them find a better way?


Asked by seturkey at 3:33 AM on Oct. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,784 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • I adore this question ! In my case, my oldest girl is being bullied...I am proud to say I didn't just go marching into the school to see what they're going to do about it....but instead talked to her about what her part might be in it....not accusing her, but trying to see if there was a reason....believing there isn't other than she comes across as being "weird" to kids who don't fully understand autism, then I did become active WITH the school to help put a stop to it....but I also work with my daughter to help her understand that this kid who is bullying her has some problems at home that he is dealing with and taking them out on her....I'm not making it ok for it to happen, but I'm hoping it will help her cope with it better and to try to be forgiving if he does try to make the changes.....I love that you are putting this question out there, because the mother of this boy I'm talking about had no clue ! she was horrified

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 5:09 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Good question. Sometimes you don't know or wouldn't know because your child goes to great lengths to hide that information from the parents. Embarrassment, shame, guilt......the people who are so proud of you and then you have to share something so painful. From my perspective I started when my son began school. Despite only being in preschool, we talk about bullying in language and examples he can understand. Oddly enough it is not kid bullies I pick out the most - it is parent bullies. Where there is a parent bully there will be child learning to bully. I think it is important for me to remember school performance is partly based on how conducive an environment is to learning. If your child is harassed, picked on, and bullied to the point of the environment no longer conducive to learning......of course you have a child who will not be able to maximize his or her learning opportunities.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:13 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I actually do worry about that and look for signs and rely on my other kids to fill me in.  I would be devestated to find out one of my kids was the bully at school (although my 10yo is a bully to her brother and sisters and I'm constantly working on that).  I was picked on constantly in school and can't imagine one of my kids being a tormentor.  I always tell them to stick up for the little guy even if it means you are going to get hurt (physically or emotionally) or lose "friends".  Hopefully they stay strong.  Of course I have no problem telling them how my own childhood was and how it effected me and they care enough to not want to do that to another person.


    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:23 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • That's a good point. My kids are too little, but I'll keep that in mind once they get older.

    Answer by mommy2joeynabby at 3:34 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • very true.... I do talk to my kids about this and why we need to be nice. They are in kinder and 2nd rade and the school does talk about bullying....

    Answer by hill2 at 3:40 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • even though my son is only 3, about to be 4, I try to talk to him about treating others how you want to be treated

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 3:46 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • If I see my kids picking at someone I lay into their ass and tell them we dont make fun of people bc it makes them feel bad. My son seems to get picked on alot though, and I think it is bc he is such a sweet boy....I keep telling him to knock the crap out the little jerks but he wont :( everytime I see those kids I wish they would fall off their bikes, hasnt happened yet, but when it does, I am gonna have a big ole laugh! say what u will, but thats about all I can do about it,,,,,,,,,,,

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 5:17 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I keep the conversation going, I stay involved as much as I can, and I ask the questions. Keeping that door open is so important. Warning signs also a big red flag. Depression, anxiety, not wanting to go to school, lots of illnesses and grades taking a dip. I have long ago decided what I am going to do should my child not have a safe and respectful learning environment. This goes for teacher bullies too. When a child has a learning difference teachers can unknowingly bully or harass children in a way that damages them just as strongly as peer bullies.  My husband and I have discussed what we would like to do and what options we see on the table.  No one gets through school completely unscathed.  It may not be bullying that is the main issue but I do know our school environments do need to change.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:17 AM on Oct. 11, 2010