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4 Bumps

Should I contact her (the other woman)

I've know her for years and I'm not exactly on her buddy list and nor is she on mine. I'm tired of all the crap going on. Me and my dh have been married 10 years and we have two kids. He and this other woman have been "friends" for a while. I was okay with it until I would catch him in lies and what can I say love is blind. Now recently in a text message he asked if she could go with him on a business trip. He says it was a joke ,but I so do not see it as a joke. I'm so tired of this, I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt for so long and numerous times. I'm so tired of getting hurt. It's always about his needs and how he feels. But I'm seriously ready to contact her and let her know the pain she has caused me. But it's not really her it's him whos caused me pain, but then she knows right from wrong. I just don't know what the crap to do.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:26 AM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • It sounds like something is for sure going on. I'd have to know one way or another, though. But if you contact her she might just lie to you. Maybe there is another way like visiting his hotel when he goes out of town as a surprise?

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:38 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • what good would that do? She has nothing at stake. Its your DH you should confront.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:48 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • She's not the one causing you the hurt, HE is. Your relationship is not with her, it's with him. You need to confront him. Good luck.

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:52 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I'm so sorry. You're in a difficult situation. I think the conversation should be with your DH and you. He needs to stop having this relationship if he loves you and his kids. . I would start there. Going to her can only make it worse, not better. Once she knows, you know. what if she encourages him to leave you. You need to work on your marriage, if she wasn't in the picture, would there be someone else? Sometimes marriages loss their way, but its never too late to get on the right path again, if you love each other.

    Answer by Rnurse at 7:36 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • You know do you think that she is gonna give two shits the pain that has been cause here from your hubby and her? NO she isn't gonna care she is the other women and she has life by the balls. For your hubby he has his cake and he gets to eat also. I would take your children and pack his shit while he is on a business trip and leave all his shit on her door step. I would allow them to have one another for real they are both DOGS yourbetter then that.

    Answer by raemommy at 7:37 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • wow i cant believe you let this hurt u for such a long time its not the women s fault its your husband for not stopping the friendship or what ever they had in the beginning and honestly you should be talking to your husband about your feeling and please do remember that sometime as women we know we care alot about others in our life but in order to truly care we have to be in a happy place ourselves

    good luck

    Answer by cnoble927 at 7:36 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • If it were me, he would be served divorce papers tuit de suite! Of course, that would be AFTER I had documentation to prove he was having an affair. When he realizes that you will be taking HALF of everything, he might stop seeing her, in which case you should demand that you go into couples counseling. He could also be totally over it and ready to call it quits. Whatever you do, you need to be prepared if he doesn't want to continue your marriage. The faster you get the ball rolling, the faster you can heal from this. Living this way is not good for you. Your children need at least one healthy person with character in their lives. Don't just sit idly by while another hurts you over and over. Set an example for them in how you should let others treat you. I know this is hard, but get out there and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Get healthy, inside and out! Your kids need you! Good luck, mama!

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:18 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • She isn't the one that married you...........

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 8:43 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • If she's married, I would tell her husband. If she isn't married (and even if she is), I would tell your dh that he has to go. Basically, kick him out until he's ended it with her. I would insist that he did it in front of you (not him on the phone - you don't know who he's talking to, unless he puts it on speaker), so that there's no doubt that it's over - and with full disclosure. I would also insist that he be tested for STD's (sorry, but it is something you need to think about).

    Frankly, yes, she does know right from wrong, and yes, it's skanky to mess with a man that you know is married - especially if you knew it from the beginning. BUT - she isn't the one who took vows with you. Your problem is with him, not her. She knows about you, obviously she doesn't care about you, your feelings, or anything you have to say, so saying anything will just give her more ammo against your marriage. (IF you choose to stay.)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:12 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Now, if you were to kick him out, I would have to admit, that if I were you, I would be VERY tempted to call her - once he left the house or as he was packing, and say something along the lines of "now that I'm finished with him, you can have the whole cheating package - I hope you love him enough to support him, cause my lawyer is going to go for blood!"

    But I admit, while I would be very tempted (and knowing my temper, might just do this), it wouldn't be the classy or healthy thing to do. Unless you mean it with it being over, and you want closure with them both, that is!

    Either way, I'm sorry to say, your husband is cheating on you, and you have a problem. Whether you confront her or not, the problem is the man. If you get rid of her without solving the problem, then there will be another taking her place next month.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:15 AM on Oct. 11, 2010