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When do you say enough is enough?

I have someone that i thought was a friend. A little background. She decided at the beginning of the school year to take her 3 kids and leave her husband. This was a good decision on her part. They are trying to work things out and are hoping to get things worked out before school begins next year. Ok so here is wher my question comes into play. Over the past couple of months and actually quite a bit longer than that when she calls to talk I listen, when she needs her kids picked up from school or me to watch them I do if I can. But if I call and am needing a sounding board for anything it's like i am interrupting her day and she barely talks with me. This past weekend I called to see how she was doing since we hadn't talked in about a week and it was like she didn't want to talk at all. After like two minutes she just says I need to let you go. She is back living with her parents, not working. continue below

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sonsmom

Asked by sonsmom at 8:52 AM on Oct. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (129 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I realize she is going through something right now. But this is the way she has been treating me for the past 6 months or so. I have tried to maintain the friendship for our boys sake. I have even gone so far as taking my son to see her son and they are an hour away and I even picked her son up and kept him for the night and took him back when my son had his b-day party and i feel that i am putting way more into the friendship then she is. How do you all feel
    sonsmom

    Comment by sonsmom (original poster) at 8:55 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Have you mentioned this to her?
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 9:02 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I would try and talk with her. She might be so consumed with what is going on her life that she does not realize it. If you are comfortable with this I would ask her to meet for coffee. Maybe somewhere half way between the 2 of you that way neither of you has to drive that far. I know you have listened a lot, although try to listen to her and see what she says. If she has always been this way, then she might just be the type of person who can not see someone else side fo things.

    Also, you don't have to be friends with her just because your kids are friends. I am not friends with all the parents of my children's friends. So if you can't come to an understanding you could still let the boys be friends, just a thought.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:07 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • i think she is just so wrapped up with her problems she doesn't realize how she is treating you..try to talk to her about the way you feel and see if she realizes what she has been doing..hopefully it helps!!
    gracelessstar21

    Answer by gracelessstar21 at 10:18 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • update: I tried calling her again and asked if she could meet for coffee in a mutual location. She turned me down. She clearly is not wanting to continue with our friendship at this point so I guess i will just wait for her to make that first step. It's sad really we met when our boys were both in Preschool together and have always gotten together to do things. I have always been willing to be there when she needed someone to watch her kids at the last minute when her husband (whom she is seperated from at this time) would want her to go to the movies on a moments notice. I will just sit back and see if she really wants to continue. Guess time will just tell with our friendship at this point.
    sonsmom

    Comment by sonsmom (original poster) at 3:45 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • update on the situation. After 5 months of not talking to me. no phone calls, emails or anything I get a phone call from the mother of my friend. She and her kids are still living with her parents. My sons friend wanted him to come up for a play date. I called her back and set up the play date. I agreed to drive the hour to bring my son up to play. When we got there the boys both played together and I sat and talked with her mom. She came out to see me when i first got there and then she disappeared into another room. Her mom went in several times and tried to get her to come out to visit to no avail on her part. She finally came out when it was time for lunch and then her mom went to her room so it left no choice for my ex-friend to have to talk with me. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. This told me exactly what I knew 5 months ago and the next time we have a get together for the boys we will meet half way.
    sonsmom

    Comment by sonsmom (original poster) at 9:54 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • and i will let my son go up there and then i will meet them again to pick him up. I will not put myself in that situation again.. I have been feeling guilty for months that I am not being a good friend to her but this past saturday showed me exactly where we stand after having been really good friends for 4 years.
    sonsmom

    Comment by sonsmom (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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