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What else can I do besides not let her in my wedding?

My best friend and I have been best friends since high school, right after high school we lost touch and I got married ( small wedding no bridesmaids) and when we got back in touch shortly after she was upset that she couldnt of been a part of it...

I am now getting married again & of course I asked her to be my matron of honor and she accepted.. but now her boyfriend ( who is extremely controlling) wont let her because 1. her dress "shows to much skin" and when she walks back down the aisle she has to walk in arm with a groomsman ( her b/f doesnt even let her talk to other non family men)

She refuses to leave him ( this has been a long time issue) ...but what else can i do, she wont just go against him, but I dont want to not have her in the wedding and I cant figure out how to get around what he doesnt like ( it is a big formal wedding) what would you do ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • it sounds like an either or situation... either she chooses her freind nd changes her lifestyle inc boyfreind or she goes with the ass of a boyfreind and looses out on a freind

    Answer by miritrose at 9:37 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • cant you choose a different style dress in the same color for her ? and let her walk side by side but not touch with the grossmen?
    i have a friend who is very modest in dress and who religion doesn't let them be with single men alone is sometimes confusing but it is workable if you try......good luck and congrats on the marriage....

    Answer by cara124 at 9:46 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Couldn't of said it better miritrose.

    Answer by MKSers at 9:47 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Clearly her boyfriend is being unreasonable. If he is this controlling over a wedding, imagine what her life is going to be like with him. Tell you love her, and that it hurts that she won't be in your wedding, and choose another maid of honor. Then, take a deep breath, and enjoy your special day.

    Best Wishes.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:48 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • If you push too hard to try and get her to leave the a$$hole, you'll probably harm your friendship. And, if I were you, I'd be fearing for her well-being, since this is how a lot of abusive relationships start out. I think that you have to tell her that you're between a rock and a hard place, and although you really want to have her in your wedding, you can't do it if she has to make him happy at the same time. She's got to decide whether she's going to be in or out. In means pissing the bastard off, out means not in the wedding.

    Answer by SWasson at 9:49 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Both of the men mentioned here are being very unreasonable, you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with a dominating man?

    Answer by older at 9:54 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Can you sit down with the two of them and talk this over? Explain it all to him and ask him if he has been to other weddings and seen how the bridesmaids walk with an usher just for ceremony. IDK..........

    Answer by elizabr at 10:17 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I'd just invite her to the wedding and not worry about's her choice her decision.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:21 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • It really boils down to this is your day. This is your formal wedding. Sure, if you and your soon to be husband are ok with making a slightly big change in the dynamics of a formal wedding, then do it. But if not, this day if for the two of you, friend or not. You can't change for the friends dominating, controlling to the point of abusive boyfriend. He's not even her husband. Maybe this should be a wake up call for her. But she's not taking it, not yet. Maybe you should take her in to talk with your priest? IDK. But, IF I was the type to have a big formal wedding, I wouldn't change things just to suit a friends BF's liking. To hell with him. She is important, he is not. She needs to decide if she wants to stay with someone like this, he is really showing his colors here.
    I wouldn't make the change. I don't know of other things she could do though, sorry.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:50 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • It depends how much it means to you to have your friend in your wedding and how much you are willing to accomodate her. I have been at many weddings where the maid/matron of honor wore a slightly different dress than the others, usually similar but a different color or slightly different style. Often a maid of honor and flower girl will match but be slightly different than the other attendents. If you can find a more modest cut that will still fit the theme, I don't think it would be so out of place in a formal wedding to have a different dress for a matron of honor. I also don't think that having her walk side by side rather than arm in arm is such a big thing. Probably no one would even notice. But in the end it is up to you. I can understand not wanting to feed into the bad dynamics in her relationship too. You just have to decide what is really important in this situation and if there is room to bend or not.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:11 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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