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How can you ease the transistion when moving in with someone?

I am 48, legally separated and my SO is 49 and divorced. After having a long distance relationship for 1 and 1/2 years, we decided to move in together. I left my job and adult children, packed my belongings and moved to his home state. We are very much in love, but after a few weeks, we seem to have numerous disagreements. They are usually about very innocent things that either of us has said or done and it is taken wrong. I am more open with my feelings and he likes to analyze before he speaks. That alone has escalated many discussions. I want to discuss and he is done when he says what he feels is adequate. We have also had differences in quantity of sex. I like it daily and he is happy with every couple of days or when he is feeling "in the mood". Also, we both get up early, but many nights he is ready for bed at 9. And I mean to go to sleep! I feel like I'm sinking and cant grab anything. I dont know what to do

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Is he open to relationship counselling?

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:43 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I'm 49, and my husband is 52. It's kind of funny because when we moved in together we had many of those issues, and now (after 23 years) some of them have reversed.

    When we moved in together, I was a morning person, and ready for bed by 8pm!! Now he's snoring at 9, and I'm often still up, or at the least in bed watching tv or reading.

    I also like to talk things out....he will sometimes "say what he has to say" but often prefers just to ignore things. To be honest, it just took us time to slowly begin to be comfortable with our differences, and find ways to compromise in our life together. I think it's probably different for everyone, but I do think in someways it's just a matter of the time that it takes for adjustment, it isn't always an instant transition.

    Best wishes in your new life together.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:51 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • What about counseling? It could help, considering when he's done with the conversation, it seems to be over. Counseling has someone else directing the conversation.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 11:27 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • It would of been better for you to do a trial live in type deal. But now that yall have moved in and you left everything i would recommend counseling. I don't like sex everyday, but my husband does. We met in the middle and make love every other day or every two days. Sometimes I will do it every day but not much. I just have so much on my mind with kids house work my rad tech degree and everything in between and I'm no good and "turning that off" to get in the mood. But it does sound like that after some time things will work out for yall. Don't give up yet.

    Answer by MKSers at 1:15 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

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