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teen crushes

My daughter just turned 13 and is desperate to have a boyfriend,I've told her that she is way to young to have a boyfriend that she should be focusing on other priorities. She keeps saying "I don't understand why you wont let me I'm responsible and get good grades, which I've responded yes and I'm proud of you for all that,but having a boyfriend means you will want to hug him kiss him and then when thats not enough then it will be sex on the agenda,and I don't want that for you. I told her she cant date till she's 16 I know it probally wont hold up and I dont want her sneaking around either so this is a dilemma for me. I told her I want her to enjoy herself and she can do it without being serious about boys. Should I let her have a boyfriend am I being to strict? Everytime I think of her saying that I think omg,and I go into the sex talk and she always says "mom I'm not stupid I'm not gonna do that."

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • Having a boyfriend doesn't mean she will automatically hug, kiss and sex him, nor does it mean she will go out alone on dates. My son has had a girlfriend in every grade nearly...they don't do anything. He asked her to the homecoming dance. My BF and I drove and he got out and walked her to the car. We all went out to eat, but, they sat alone across the restaurant. He got out and walked her to her door.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:39 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I don't believe in arbitrary age limits, like 16 for dating. You can't control your child's emotional development like that. I think you are right to encourage her to continue on her own development before getting involved with boys, but putting an arbitrary cap like 16 on dating will probably not be as effective as having clear standards for when she is ready and allowing her to date at that point. I also don't think that you can prevent her from being interested in boys even if you prevent her from dating just by telling her she's not ready yet. Get her involved in other activities and help her pursue her other passions so she has other things to fill her time and meet her emotional needs.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:40 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Oh this is so scary. Maybe she could have a bf, but only see him w/ adult supervision (ie- your house) or go on group dates. If you see things getting too serious, then put the brakes on it. If she is responsible like you say she is, she is probably just going along w/ the peer pressure to have a bf. Whatever you decide, keeping the lines of communication open is the most important. But I see why you're worried. MY dau is 8 y/o & if I could, I would lock her in a tower 'til she was done w/ college! Good luck

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • it is scary but if u dont allow it she might sneak behind ur back and do more things.

    Answer by diana398 at 1:01 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Both my boys have had girlfriends on and off since about 3rd or 4th grade. They really don't do much of anything. My youngest is 12 and has decided to stop with the girlfriends for awhile. His older brother and I told him its not the worth the headache at 12 and he should enjoy his friends and focus on his school and sports. So for now no girlfriend in the wings, but his relationship consists of texting (Hey, Hi, what you doing, Nothing - bye, bye) I mean its nothing.
    My older son until recently didn't have girlfriend, he's 16 and just recently asked out a girl for homecoming. I knew they had been hanging out but it was nothing serious. After about 3 or 4 months he finally asked her to be his girlfriend last Wed. I worry but trust my son, he's a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. I've told him to not loose site of his goals and his education. We've talked about sex numerous times, no single dates however.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:36 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • No, you're not being "too strict". You're the parent, and this is your choice. 16 is a perfectly reasonable age for dating. Just be sure she gets to do things with her friends, like school dances and football games and going to the movies. When I was a kid, we all hung out at the roller rink on Friday and Saturday nights.

    Answer by justnancyb at 8:43 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Well meet the boy. Tell her the morning before you go. She wont have time to teach him what to do. Just come to the school and meet him. WATCH HIS EYES! MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HIS INTENTIONS!

    Answer by LunaLovegood62 at 6:26 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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