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If you and DH/SO were thinking about splitting would you try and stay together for the kids or just call it done??

 
LiLJeni

Asked by LiLJeni at 1:47 PM on Oct. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • Me personally.

    I would never stay in a marriage just for my child. In order to be the best mother I can be. I have to be the best "me" I can be. I can not be at my best if I'm living an unhappy life, in a relationship that does more harm than good to me (whether that be: mentally, emotionally, or physically). My relationship affects me. Therefore it affects me as a mother, it affects my child through me. Living in an unhappy home, where mom & dad are both unhappy, don't really love nor want to be together, would be far more damaging to my child than living in a happy household. Even if that happy household was a single parent household.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:52 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Children deserve to see a happy mom and dad. They also deserve to see what a happy and loving relationship is so that they realize that that is what they deserve when they grow up.

    IMO, when children see mom and dad living together but not loving together, they don't learn what a truly happy marriage or relationship is. They learn from what they see. I would not stay together for the kids. Kids have to come second in a marriage. The relationship between you and DH should come first. If you can't work it out, then do what's best for the kids and split.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:50 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I don't believe a relationship works if you just stay together for the children. If there aren't any tools left in the box to fix the relationship then yes we would end it but we would be two adults and be parents together as we do now. Besides my hubby and I have a very, very ,very strong relationship there isn't a thing that could break us apart we have been though some much stuff together there isn't a thing or person ANYTHING that could break us.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 1:50 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • If it was broken beyond repair.. I wouldn't even try.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:48 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I wouldn't stay for the kids. Coming from someone who grew up in that environment it was very unhealthy. I would wake up each Saturday morning to the sound of them arguing. I was only 4-5 and can still remember it. I also would get between them and beg them to stop arguing. So unhealthy to grow up with. they said they stayed for me and finally called it quits at age 5.
    anxious1stimer

    Answer by anxious1stimer at 1:54 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I personally haven't had to deal with this, but my best friend has, and I had to tell her many many times, that her being happy would be one of the best things for her son. If she's unhappy and continues to be unhappy, that's not going to be good for her son. She finally left, she and the father still aren't on good terms, but at least she's out of there, and eventually she will find somebody that will love her and him and make her and him happy. I don't agree with staying together just for the children, because eventually that will lead to more resentment and arguments which IMO is going to make it WORSE for the child...I understand the idea of not wanting the child to come from a "broken home" but sometimes that's better...they then get to learn that it takes more than love to make a relationship work and that it is possible and doesn't have to involve constant arguing and resentment, etc...
    dlandrum

    Answer by dlandrum at 2:01 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • No couple should stay together simply "for the sake of the children". That thought is just flawed in so many ways.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:04 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I would try to make it work for us, not the kids.
    andrea96

    Answer by andrea96 at 2:25 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • i would never stay just of my kids, but i would be sure the marraige can't be fixed, before ending it.
    happy-go-lucky

    Answer by happy-go-lucky at 2:38 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • we are thinking of splitting, it's the fear of telling the kids that is holding me back. and the fear of not always being with my kids. (how codependant does that sound) lol I agree though they aren't witnessing what I want them to seek out as a 'healthy and happy' marriage. we are doing more harm than good by staying married. they are 16, 13 and 7 so they KNOW. Especially since we haven't shared a room in 4 years. *sigh* so hard to get that push you need to just make the move
    jaicard

    Answer by jaicard at 3:21 PM on Oct. 11, 2010