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How should I deal with my already highly stressed, anxious Junior in High School?

He is a perfectionist and in High Honors but would like to move to a lower track in History as the teacher is a taskmaster and the HW is too time-consuming. He is frightened that if he moves, he will feel like a failure as he would like to try to go to a good college. (East Coast) We live in NJ and have told him that Rutgers is fine and that even if you are a good student, you don't always get accepted at the schools you like as it is now super competitive. Any advice for how to persuade a perfectionist, high-achieving teen (and I was like that too) that it really is FINE to go to a State School as you can still be a successful member of Society, get a decent job and have a life? I feel that all these teens are so worried about getting into a good college that they are not enjoying life in the present. Thoughts?
I've been crying with anxiety for 2 days straight.

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diamondgirl18

Asked by diamondgirl18 at 2:19 PM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Why have you been crying with anxiety for two days mom?. I have a senior in hs,,,she dropped math last year, it was a calculus course, did I even spell that right? IDK,,and she is still alive and kicking. My kid is an over achiever too and it took everything she had to drop the course, b/c it was draining her. I fully supported her decision and she went to her counselor as well. I am a single parent and my over achiever is actually going to a junior college next year. I cant afford the big schools. She hopes to transfer to a University after her two years at the junior college. There is always a way. Although our over achievers set their sites on one idea, might not be the exact route they are going to go. Thats just part of life and how things happen, and how we can rise to the situation and whatever comes our way!
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 2:33 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • The fact that you are crying and anxious about it is probably not helping your "highly stressed, anxious" child--even as teenagers, they play off your emotions and if you can calm yourself, it will help him deal with it better as well. Your freaking out about it is making him freak out about it :) Have a calm, rational discussion with him about it, and if that doesn't work, try setting up a meeting with a guidance counselor at his school. The counselor can point out to him that there are many excellent state schools out there where he will get a great education and not be in debt for the rest of his life.
    Sincerely,
    An honor student who put herself through a state school and wouldn't have it any other way :)
    bethany169

    Answer by bethany169 at 4:17 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Any advice for how to persuade a perfectionist, high-achieving teen (and I was like that too) that it really is FINE to go to a State School as you can still be a successful member of Society, get a decent job and have a life? I feel that all these teens are so worried about getting into a good college that they are not enjoying life in the present. Thoughts?
    I've been crying with anxiety for 2 days straight.
    **************
    I copied this part because it is something that disturbs me. I think you are way too emotionally involved and too controlling. He should go to the College HE wants to attend. And ...crying for two days about this? Are you serious? Does he KNOW you have cried about this for 2 days? THAT would make any teen stressed! Get a grip! Be calm and relaxed and reasonable and your son will follow your lead. You might be way too attached to him...ease off and step back,ok?
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:18 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

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