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My two oldest kids, boy 16, and girl 14, moved in with their daddy 2 years ago, now they don't come see me anymore, I've tried everything to reach out to them, but with no luck. They seem to have just walked out of my life and don't wanna look back. I remarried, so that's a big issue, but so did their daddy. He left us 7 years ago, and married the one he cheated on me with, so why do my kids choose them over me? In pain still, Jan

Divorce, kids that have abandoned the other parent, feeling helpless.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Jul. 3, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (3)
  • it seems like this is the good parent,vs. bad parent situation, i don't know your story but i do know that kids that are 14 and 16 will veer toward the parent that will let them get away with the most crap, i know that compared to carrying them for nine months and loving them relentlessly for all these years you would think they would be more appreciative, and it doesn't seem like something so small could break that that bond but at 14 and 16 they are designed to be selfish and uncaring they want what they want and they want it now and maybe daddy gives in more than you do? i know that i did this with my parents and when i grew up i apologized for a lot of things that i did to them at that age, they both know i love them now and i try my best to keep in touch as much i can to let them know i love them both divorced or not it is equal and i am sorry you have to go through this but keep in mind that they too will grow up someday! and they will again need their mommy
    melsamomnow

    Answer by melsamomnow at 9:37 AM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • I would start with counselling so someone is helping you look at the situation in a helpful way. Of course, you are hurt, being cut off like that, especially if you didn't end the marriage with your behavior. The details are important. You can't change them but you can change your way of handling it and it may result in some communication. Time may heal a bit and there is always hope they will come around. In the meantime, work on healing your heart and moving on without them while you remain open to reconnection. I am sorry you are in this situation. Wondering what happend two years ago to have them both move to Daddy's?
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 10:06 AM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • My father left my mother with 2 teens girls, 14 and 18, I took it rough being a daddy's girl. My biggest issue with her was I felt that she didn't love me so I couldn't love her back. If this is how your children are feeling, I would say do everything in your power to let them know you love them and being away from them makes you sad. Don't get mad at them for not calling you or spending time with you because that builds up their defenses. I say fight your heart out to let your children know you love them, go to see them, call them, ask how their day was and let them know that you want them to have fun so you won't take up too much of their time. Show them that you care about what they want, I really think that will make them second guess the way they are treating you. I'm sorry if you tried all this and it didn't work. I  hope they come around, for all of your sakes. Best of Luck and God be with you.
    Smilechik

    Answer by Smilechik at 11:07 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

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