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6 Bumps

To spank or not to spank?

Those who don't spank, I want to know how well your child behaves or how well they learn if they act up and keep acting up.

I spank my kid if she is WAY OUT OF LINE. I had to spank her at the zoo once because she REFUSED to leave and I had the baby in a harness so I couldn't carry her to the car. It was humiliating. So I spanked her.

If you don't spank, how would you have handled that situation. I mean I tried to reason with her verbally before spanking her, it didn't work. So I resorted to spanking her. That didn't work either. I finally had to have someone carry her to the car for me.

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GinNTonic

Asked by GinNTonic at 3:36 PM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (6,147 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • that is a great question... i am glad you asked it... i do spank when it is needed... sometimes talking does not get the point across... how ever i do not do it in public... i just pick him up and leave... but we only have one i would have probobly done the same thing you did if we had two... my parents spanked me and their parents spanked them... i think when pople say anything about how bad it is... they think we are beating them or something... honestly i have never known a parent out there that has not had to do it atleast one time
    jaksonsmommy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 3:39 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Spank.

    My son is only two so he really only gets a pat on the butt -- nothing too hard or over the top -- but he knows exactly what it is for.. and he has learned a lot from just that. My MIL has several decorations throughout her house that are breakable - my two year old will go in her house and look but never touch any of these while another little boy (MIL's friend's grandson) that is a month older than him.. is not spanked but instead "talked" to... he comes in and it is like a tornado.
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 3:39 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I have spanked my kids in the past, but I am mending my ways. I am actually attempting to eliminate all yelling, as well as spanking. It's a slow process, but we are gradually getting there. The problem is, I am so used to acting a certain way when I get frustrated, that it is so easy for me to slip back into it. But if I actually take them time to stop and think about not only my actions, but the reasons behind my kids' actions, things can get resolved, much quicker, in a much calmer way.

    Some things that work well for me, praising them often for good behavior. The more praise I give them, the more they want it. And if I praise one, the other steps in line to be praised too. Also, I refuse to argue. When my son had a fit at the park because it was time to go, at first I tried dragging him to the car. Then I remembered to calm myself down. I let him go, looked him in the eye, and said "It's time to go." .....cont
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 3:45 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I walked to the car, with out looking back, and sure enough he followed. I didn't have to drag him, or carry him, I just let him know I wasn't compromising.

    For a while I was having a terrible time with my 6 year old. We were getting into screaming matches almost daily. Then I realized that I am the adult, and the one that should be able to control my emotions. I stopped yelling at him, and he has stopped yelling at me. All in all, we have a much calmer, more peaceful home, and my kids listen and behave better than ever. All it takes is showing your kids the same respect you expect for them to show you.
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 3:49 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I was spanked, my children were spanked, and they are spanking their children. It is what has worked for our family, but it must be done without anger and with the sole purpose of training.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:49 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I gave a command first(Like don't do that because such and such), then, a warning(don't do that again or I will spank), finally,. I said, because you did that after I told you not to and because I said I was going to spank you, you are getting a spanking. I would then give a pop or two on the butt and be done.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 3:55 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I don't spank and carrying her to the car is exactly what I would do, and have done in those situations. My daughter is pretty well behaved but she is also a normal almost 7 year old so she has her moments. Usually, disapproving look or a change in the tone of voice brings the point home clearer than a spanking.

    This is something I used to struggle with. I'm a non-spanker in a spanking family. And I've been the mom at the park with the child kicking on the ground screaming. I try to give her plenty of advance warning when we would be leaving so she can prepare herself. I don't feed into the tantrums by getting upset, and if necessary I physically carry her away. If it's time to go, it's time to go. Period.
    AsiaCansler

    Answer by AsiaCansler at 4:33 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I don't spank. I don't think it really works, or at least not any better than anything else, and I don't want to have to use the threat of physical violence and pain to deter my daughter. In the story you told it actually didn't work and you ended up carrying her to the car anyway. That is what I would have done as well, or I would have started to leave like my2.5boys did in her story. I also think once you start spanking there is a greater chance you will hit out of anger or because you have reached the end of your rope and that is really spanking to make yourself feel better rather than to discipline. By not spanking at all there is less risk of crossing that line.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:23 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I'm all for spanking, but don't see any reason why it needs to be the only form of discipline. Usually unless their actions hurt someone else or could hurt themselves (running in the street, etc.) or we have exhausted all other forms of discipline they don't get spanked... However, to be honest it's rare that my kids even need a talking to let alone a timeout or spanking...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:23 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • I spank occasionally... perhaps 1x a month. Often less. The thing is if you man up and spank a few times it's then a viable threat and you can use it as needed. IE "Matthew running away in the mall is dangerous. If you don't hold my hand RIGHT NOW, you're getting spanked!" and it has meaning and merit. U cannot overuse the spank or the threat, but it's a nice back up plan in my house.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 6:38 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

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