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3 Bumps

Am I really so much worse or is this pot meet kettle??

When my SO is angry at me he says really awful, hurtful things.. Like things like I'm defective and he told me once that his family hates me and he doesn't blame them, things like that - that you don't forget.

When I get really angry at him I throw stuff (nothing that would hurt anyone.. like throwing a few pasta boxes and a box of tea into the pantry)..

We both lose our cool in non-productive manners. I try to fight fair but it always turns into an argument where he says really hurtful things and I end up stomping/throwing.

He says that I'm much worse and his way is more "grown up" and I am extremely childish.

Okay. Throwing pasta doesn't make someone doubt their love for you or make you feel worthless.. awful words do. I blow up and don't hurt his feelings badly and we can move on from it. If he blows up he says things that are almost unforgivable.

I think we both need to grow up a bit more. Right?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Oct. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Sounds like you to need to grow up and not even be married. I couldn't put up with a man that said such hurtful things to me.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 8:53 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • yes,but his hurtful words would makeme doubt his love to me

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:53 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • You worded it just right. Hello, pot? Meet kettle. Neither one of you is handling conflict productively.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 8:58 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Throwing things is physical violence. You should not throw things. He is wrong to say hurtful things, too. and this emotionally harmful to you. Couple counseling at least. This doesn't sound like a good way to live.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:59 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Was the pasta cooked or not? If not, yeah that would hurt.....somewhat. :)

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:59 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • You both need to grow up and get some counselling....your behavior towards each other is abusive...

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:59 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • he isn't being more grown up, but what you are doing is unacceptable as well.

    my suggestions is get some counseling, even if it's alone.
    this whole situation does not sound healthy to say the least.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:00 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • So you are arguing....about who is worse at arguing? You guys seriously need some professional help. A counselor can sit you both down and show you better ways to communicate than throwing things or saying hurtful things. Neither is acceptable and the fact you are both trying to say the other is worse shows how immature you both are.

    Answer by getrealmama at 9:13 PM on Oct. 11, 2010

  • Yes, you both need to grow up. When you're both angry with one another, you need to sit down and have a mature adult conversation. Ground rules include once a voice starts getting raised or interruptions occur, the discussion is taking a break. You can't be productive with your issues if you're interrupting and raising your voice.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 12:10 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Yes, you both have some growing up to do. I would say counseling is definitely needed.

    Answer by keeckhardt at 2:27 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

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