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I'm dating a divorced man with 3 kids. His ex-wife, who remarried 2 years ago, still has free reign of the house, including his bedroom. When I asked if he would ever set boundaries, he tells me that it's not a big deal and I have nothing to worry about. We live in two separate states, so our time together is limited due to the distance. Am I being unreasonable?

Dealing with ex-wives. Setting boundaries when she visits the kids on where she can go to in the house.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • your are definately not being unreasonable if its his ex she has no bussiness in his bussiness

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Sounds reasonable to me. HE may not think it's a big deal, but if it bothers you and you two are serious he needs to set some boundaries with her.

    Answer by jessradtke at 12:38 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Well, this is the way that they do things. It might not go over so well if you show up out of nowhere and try to rearrange what they are comfortable with. If you don't like this decision he's made, you're not likely to agree about other things, as well. Maybe just hang back for awhile and see if it even goes anywhere, since you don't even live in the same state.

    Answer by evilday at 12:58 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • You are definitely not being unreasonable. The ex wife is way over the boundary line. I would not trust this situation. Even if nothing is happinging now, they are way too comfortable with each other and it sounds like they still want to play house. I bet her new husband knows nothing about it.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:16 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

    What are you thinking? How bad do your feel about yourself that you would even be in this kind of relationship? Honey, you need to get your head out of your @$$ & find a real man. You deserve better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • The reason he isn't setting boundries is because when she is there they are probably sleeping together, unless he is willing to start setting boundries you will never have a good relationship.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:10 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Considering that you don't live in the same state, what can you do about it? You have no say about what goes on in his home! You said boyfriend, not fiancee, you didn't say anything about a committment,or anything. With him living in another state, how do you plan to make this work? Will he move there or you move into his state, etc. Think about everything and you will come up with the right answer about what to do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Hahaha, I agree with Anonymous...............get out now. Let me tell you something, it does NOT get better and you will ALWAYS take second to her. I have dealt with this for 3.5 years because I didn't see the red flags. She is still close to his family etc. etc. Trust me when I say there is definately going to more things about that relationship that are going to make you uncomfortable.
    Talk to him, maybe he will take your opinion into consideration. Maybe he never realized that it was n't appropriate. But then again maybe he does, and you will find out where you stand. It's better to find out now whether you will have any say about important thigns like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I know what you mean! I used to have the same issues, he didn't think it was a big deal either, but it truly was to me! She never came in the house after the day I moved in, it was just kind of a nonspoken agreement between me n my BF. He told her she would have to find somewhere else to take the kids when she wanted to see them, since they live with us. She didn't seem to understand, but I'm glad he finally put his foot down. I would be percistant. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!

    Answer by abootie at 2:21 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

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