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My friend's boyfriend is a manipulative jerk..any advice to get her away from him??I helped to move her out of his apartment once. Child services were called on him by me because he BEAT her child. He was arrested and then somehow talked his way back into her life. She's staying with him and her baby is staying with him too.

I don't like the situation. He's mad at me and doesn't want her to have anything to do with me. When he got arrested he was fired from his job. She dropped the charges. She's paying for all of the bills, he lies to her about getting paid (she found a check stub and he's tellin her that he doesn't get paid for another 2 weeks.) He has told her that he wants to beat me up or have his friends beat me up. He says he knows where I live. What do I do? Seriously, she thinks she can't do better than him. I've made all the arguments that I can with her, but I need more advice. What can I tell her that will finally make her want to leave him for good? Is there anything I can do? He's on probation for 3 years for the abuse on her child.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If you have a six year old to look after, I think that needs to take precedence over your friend. If this guy is as crazy as you make him sound, cut all ties and stay away. You've done what you can for your friend, she seems to not want to take your advice. Since the advice tactic isn't working, why not distance yourself completely from the situation. I'm sure you'll find yourself feeling much safer, and maybe you're friend will realize that she's not as strong without you and she'll leave. Take a stand and sever all ties (but let her know if she wants to leave her abusive man you'll be there to pick up the pieces).

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Oh and I have a 6 year old child that I need to look out for. What do I do?!?!?!?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • if she cant take care of her child then someone should take it from her if she doesnt have enough sense to dump that loser

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Well that's not an option... he beat her oldest child...not the baby... but that technicality doesn't matter. He's just being controlling now...i'm sure it will escalate though. but taking her kids away from her isn't an option...HOW DO I GET HER AWAY FROM HIM?!?!?! THAT'S THE QUESTION!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • explain to her the importance of her living her life to the fullest not living underneath hiscontrolling ways she needs to live for her kids first and foremost and let her know that if she needs your door is open for her and you will help her file the apporpriate paperwork to keep him away from her for good

    Answer by juliansmommie23 at 1:06 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Thanks juliansmommie!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Can you call child services and ask them to do a well child check because there is a domestic abuser back in the house? Maybe a case worker could talk to her about it. Can you call the department of corrections and ask them to check on him. Where on earth do you live that they allow child abuser's around children? It seem that he should be restricted at least while he's on probation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • She moved back into his apartment... at first he wasn't staying there so she was just using it to stay there...then he came back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • The truth is, all you can do is be there for her until she sees the light for herself. Of, course, if you witness any more abuse to the children, immediately call CPS, but otherwise, just be her friend. He's going to keep trying to drive a wedge between you and the more you protest their relationship the more leverage you give him and he'll just use it to isolate her.

    Answer by mamapotter at 1:26 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Thanks mamapotter...that's so true... one of her other friends is trying to tellin the same thing as me. She was just made aware of it the last few days how he's been treating her. She doesn't like it either. I will continue to be here for her. Just don't want to get a phone call in the middle of the night because of something that he has done to her or her kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Oct. 27, 2008