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What would you do?

My best friend from high school has put me in an awkward place.

She's unhappily married with two children and has a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend is a dude we went to highschool with (a great guy)...whom she hasn't seen in 10 years. They only text and facebook cause he's married with children too. They've been communicating for about 2 months.

Yesterday she tells me they are going to Canada to get secretly married. (They can't get married here cause they are both still married). She asked me to find out what they need to do and stuff since neither of them can use thier home computers for that.

I love my friend dearly...we're peas in a pod...but i am not sure how to be supportive of her during this time. I am the only person she's telling.

I don't care about the cheating, i am concerned about the marrying.

 
UpSheRises

Asked by UpSheRises at 9:08 AM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 31 (48,798 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Personally, I wouldn't help her and I would tell her so. I would explain how I feel, and tell her that I am not going to be a party to it. Good luck!
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 9:46 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I just don't get why they won't break up with their spouse first....it makes no sense to get married while you are already married. What the hell are they going to do when they get back from Canada? Both of them could get seriously screwed by this. If either of their SO's find out they went & got married, they could take everything away from them including their kids. Ask her if it is worth getting her kids taken away. That will look so bad in the eyes of a judge... she will get no alimony, no nothing. She is setting her life up for failure & you need to let her know that. You're her friend, tell her in a loving way that she is messing up her life by making this choice.


     I would tell her no, that i am not going to help her. I would not support that at all.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:30 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I would tell her to grow up and quit ruining others peoples life, at least get a divorce first.
    Lisa_Lynn

    Answer by Lisa_Lynn at 9:24 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • You tell her that they need to be divorced before they can think about marrying someone else. And even if they get married in Canada, they will still be bigamists here in the US as the US accepts marriage certificates from other countries otherwise every couple that married somewhere else would have to remarry when coming back to the states.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:34 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Honestly,if they're both unhappy in their marriage, they can both file for divorce at the same time. When the divorce is finalized, they can get married and combine their own household for their very own version of the Brady Bunch (minus the performing/singing/etc.).

    They need to do this the right way; you know that. Convince her that if this is what she really wants, she and her secret love need to go through the proper channels and get it done the right way, to avoid anything hurtful in the future. Both spouses could find out and file suits against both of them and they could both lose their children. Those spouses may file for divorce, but the ending wouldn't be nearly as happy for them if they just take care of their divorces NOW.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:40 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I wouldn't help her and I would tell her that if she doesn't come clean with the whole situation in a given amount of time (say, two weeks), you are going to share the information with her husband. I would feel that I at least owed that to the children of that marriage - she's already ruined their lives, you bringing light to that fact helps them to move forward sooner rather than later.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:03 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Why do they NEED to get married if they are already 'dating' and married to someone else? This is stupid and sounds so 5th grade. I would personally tell her that I will not help, it's her choice and she has to do her homework. I would so not want to be involved in this.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:51 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • If either of their SO's find out they went & got married, they could take everything away from them including their kids. That will look so bad in the eyes of a judge... she will get no alimony, no nothing.


    Answer by samurai_chica


    Thank you. This is the type of information i would like to share with her.

    UpSheRises

    Comment by UpSheRises (original poster) at 9:38 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Do not get involved. They can do their dirt alone. All you can do is be a good friend and help her rationalize. If she is so unhappy she should consider a divorce or even legal seperation. The I cant use my personal computer can be avoided, she can use the computer at the library, kinkos, or even copycat. I would be honest and tell her exactly how I feel and would not look up information on that for her.
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 10:29 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

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