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Dating someone who already has kids....

Ladies, if you wore the other shoe... If you were single, no kids; would you date someone who has kids? I could not date a man who already had a child. Its hard to be "the new gf" or stepmom... I never accepted my step parents.. Plus I would have the guilt feeling that I am taking away something from his child.. Can anyone relate to me on this?

 
mrsfarris

Asked by mrsfarris at 1:43 AM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • It takes a person with a lot of heart to go into a relationship knowing the consequences. I would of had a hard time dating a guy with kids if I had none. So I can understand u on this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • i have a son and it is hard to date someone without a child bc they do not understand your responsibilities to your children
    juliansmommie23

    Answer by juliansmommie23 at 1:44 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I do not know to be honest. I want to say that I'm a big enough person to not care about children in a negative way. But I also knew me pre kid I wouldn't of been able to handle the attention not being on me, or him not having the freedom to do as he pleased. It took me being a mom to understand that at 21 there was more to life then bars and clubs.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 1:48 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I DID I WAS 20 HE HAD 3 BOYS HE HAD CUSTODY THE BOYS WERE GREAT ETC... BUT THE MOM WAS WOULD COME AROUND TO VISIT SHE HATED ME ETC.... WELL LATER ON I FOUND OUT THAT HE WOULD SLEEP WITH HER OFF AND ON WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER SO I WOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN ! SO I WOULD SAY DON'T I THINK THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A SEX ISSUE OF THE EX I THINK THEY WILL ALWAYS BE OPEN FOR SEX WITH THE BABY DADDY OR MAMMA !!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • A person shows their true self in a situation like this! Children are part of a package deal and they do come first. If you can't deal with that, then you are not good enough to be in their life.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:18 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I have children but would not ever date/marry somebody else that does. Personally, I would rather be without a date/spouse than to have to deal with that stuff or have my kids deal with it. I always made it VERY clear from the beginning that my kids are a package deal with me but if he had kids there would not be a second date. Call it double standards if you want but I don't play games & am very upfront about it. You have to really know yourself honestly to know if you want that in your life or not. Not everybody is meant to be married &/or have children/stepchildren.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • when i started dating my husband we both already had two childre a piece and i will tell you what it was the worsed situation i ever got my self into i wasn't allowed to correct his kids even though he was at work and i would be the one in charge of them they used to call me terrible names and do ignorant stuff to me all the time i am still with my husband i stuck it out and the children are teenagers now and when his kids do come around my husband and i always end up fighting his oldest is eighteen no job living with my husbands mother and calling my husband at least five times a day for money or cigerettes or a ride it is awful so no if i had the chance i would never ever do that again
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:16 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I didn't want to date a man that already had a child because I had one and I didn't think that was fair to my son. I met my now hubby he didn't have a child as far as we knew. About a month into the relationship his ex wife called and told him to come approve of his name going down as father on her son's BC. He wasn't his son but, in LA he was legally. 3 years later, he had adopted my son we had two daughters and someone tells him that "his son" was taken by CPS was not true but, it got him wondering about him. He got ahold of her and found out she is still a drug addict and her father his caring for him but, not teaching the things he needs to be taught. Just giving him what he wants to keep him quiet. SO, now I am raising my SS (never thought I would say that) and my 3 almost 4 children. Sorry so long but, it takes a lot to explain how my SS came to be.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:01 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I was married at 19 for 15 yrs. I was 33 when we got divorced and we have 3 kids together. At that age it is almost impossible to find a guy my age that does not have kids. I can not hold that against them. If you truly love somebody you take the good with the bad...and not all step kids are the work of the devil. My DH has a 13 yr old DD we have every other weekend. When we met she was 6. Things have been fine for us.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:24 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I dated a guy that had 4 kids, and he had custody of all 4 of them. They were great kids, but I didn't want to be a step-mom. It seemed overwhelming.

    All my friends who have done it say it's way harder than it looks and their step-kids resent them or don't appreciate anything they did. One raised her DH's 2 kids while mom was out of the picture completely, and they don't even acknowledge her as their step-mother.
    mancosmomma

    Answer by mancosmomma at 10:43 AM on Oct. 27, 2008