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How can I convince him to not her cry, without bruising his fragile "Man-ego"?

My 6.5 month old fights sleep. Always have. I've been able to recognise the signs and I rock her to sleep before she gets overtired and impossible. My DH is a great father but he refuses to rock her. He insists on helping with her but when she gets tired, he believes she must learn to fall asleep on her own. As a result he holds her on his lap and lets her cry. He believes it's best for her. I want to go mad!!! I want to pluck her out of his arms and kick his fkn teeth in! She eventually cries herself to sleep. I go do dishes (so I can cry).


Asked by CassyzMom at 10:51 AM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 17 (4,127 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I think that fathers may know more than we give them credit for in child raising at times. At 6-1/2 mos she should probably be starting to develop some self-comforting routines. Maybe it would be fair to give it a try for awhile and see what develops. Appealing to your husband humbly is probably going to get you further with him than kicking in his teeth, but I sure understand your feelings ... But you will want his cooperation more and more down the road, and alienating him too much right now could backfire later.

    Answer by Katalina471 at 11:14 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Who cares about his ego? Do you want your child to go to sleep every night upset and not feeling safe? Why let them cry when you can try other soothing things? Your going to create mistrust.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 10:55 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I would yell at him and insist I put her to sleep. Stand up for yourself!

    Answer by mompam at 10:57 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • No reason for daddy to do bedtime! Don't worry about his ego, worry about the wellbeing of your child. I've fought many battles with my hubby over the raising and wellbeing of our kids. He considers babies to be completely my department, though. It's natural for dads to want to toughen them up and it's moms job to make sure dad isn't doing any actual harm. If you're crying about it, you know it's not right.

    Many, many kids just aren't capable of putting themselves to sleep without some rhythmic motion until 2years+, especially if they are sleep fighters.

    Answer by LeanneC at 11:03 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • That's a tough one. My hubby has different ways of doing things sometimes too. Maybe as a compromise, he could rock her in his arms on the way up to her crib, lay her down and shut the door. You could let her cry for 10 minutes or so, then do it your way if it's not working.

    Answer by sfwilson at 10:55 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I think putting her in her bed when she's fussy and letting her put herself to sleep would be a good thing to try... Holding her is just going to get her in a habit of it ,and then you will be doing that for her for a very long time..... JMO, I used the cio method on one of our boys before it had a name, or whatever, and he's very well adjusted, and happy....
    I have a friend that has a 6 yr old that still sits in his room until he falls asleep, an hour every night, because she didn't believe in letting him cio.... Just an example.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:58 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Let your mom instincts out. Go get that baby and rock her. There will be time for CIO later. They are only this little for so long. We didn't CIO until almost a year.

    She want's safety and comfort. Give it to her. Your DH may have a different parenting style but letting her cry hysterically is not a good one.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • they do need to learn but there is a difference in cries! our dd likes to be rocked to sleep but we only do it when she wants it. if she lays her head down and goes right to bed while being rocked thats fine but if she fights it then we tell her she is sleepy and needs to go to bed and we place her in the crib. my hubby thinks rocking is a privilege to her . kinda silly i think. we let her cry for 5 min then go in and rub her back or talk to her and then we leave and wait 10 min and go back and ect until she falls asleep. the longest it has taken is 20 min. she is tired when we put her down she rubs her eyes and is fussy so we r not forcing her to bed she fights her sleep too! i cant listen to she screaming but just a sad little cry i can handle but when she screams i go and get her! she will need to learn one day but im on ur side i cant listen to her cry very much its just the mom in me! u are doing great dont worry!

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • This is one of those areas where there are different ways to do things. I rocked my first baby and as a result he would not go to sleep unless I rocked him. This went on for way too long. I only rocked my second baby for a little while and then let her soothe herself to sleep. Believe it or not it does work and she has pretty much always fought sleep herself. I know it's hard to hear your baby cry but believe me, them learning to soothe themselves and go to sleep on their own does not hurt them.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:06 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • There is nothing wrong with putting a child down to sleep when they are fussy and crying, it teaches them to soothe themselves so when they wake up in the middle of the night, they can put themselves back to sleep.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:07 AM on Oct. 12, 2010