Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I get back the intimacy with my husband after he cheated on me?

Ok, so my dh cheated about 3 years ago. It really broke my heart in a million pieces but we decided to stay together and make it work. Well fast forward to now...I know he loves me, is not and will not cheat again, and we get along really well, only problem is that I can't be myself with him anymore. Everytime we have sex I'm always thinkin that maybe something is wrong with me. It makes me feel as if it is not worth it sleeping with him anymore because I am not getting any satisfaction from it. Honestly I would rather help myself----if you know what i mean. It just feels like this wall between us. Has anyone else been through this and how did you make it better?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Perhaps you didn't get over the cheating.... and it's time to walk away before you cheat or he cheats again. sex is very important in every relationship and can become a HUGE issues in all relationships..

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I have been through this... It sucks to all of a sudden be stripped of feeling sexy in front of your loved one. You always feel am I not good enough is that why he cheated, was my body not tight enough, what did she do differently etc.. no one should feel this way when they are being intimate. I felt that way for awhile and finally I said either I need to end the relationship because it's not fair to me or him or I need to just let go try some new things and know I am hot and I am good and if he doesn't like it then what am I gonna do. because in the end your only hurting your relationship because your holding back. If I were you try just letting go and saying screw it for one night and see where it leads you... hey you never know it could spark up something new!


    Answer by linzelite at 2:45 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Has he asked your forgiveness for what he did or have you forgiven him for it? forgetting is one thing and forgiving is another. If he didn't do that or you didn't,that could probably hold you back. You need to talk ALOT about what happened and tell him the truth about how you feel, no holes barred.. If you can't forgive him or he can't ask, thats the hurdle you need to go over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • It sounds like you haven't gotten over him cheating. Sex is the most intimate you can be with someone and when they break that trust its hard to get it back. I coolant make myself sleep with man who cheated on me. Once that trust is gone you may never get it back.

    Answer by alexsmomma06 at 8:07 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I am a Pure Romance consultant and I have helped women with this issue. I just need a little bit more info. Are you over him cheating? Do you get enough foreplay? Maybe you need to spice some things up. Message me if you want.

    Answer by mrsmilander at 10:10 AM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • That's tough. You have to let yourself forgive but obviously be okay with the fact that you may never forget. Easier said than done of course, but I think it's possible.

    Answer by lillie023 at 2:48 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • im going threw this right now and have with my first husband. all you can do is decide if you can live like this for the rest of your life. it took me 3yrs to get over my ex cheating on me and now im having to deal with knowing my husband cheated on me before we got married. be honest with him when you feel this way. nothing he says will help cause you always feel as if you weren't good enough and thats why he cheated. not so, men cheat for attention or just because they cant control the man down stairs. flat out, men are asses and its sad that women like us have to live with their mistakes. eventually you will either go farther apart and divorce or you'll forgive him and move on like it never happened.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Well my SO just told me (one week ago) that he have a girlfriend , and he say that they didn't have sex yet. She wants my permission first. I can tell you: the first thing, don't feel like you aren't good enough because you are better then him. And they don't go out cheating just because the wife isn't good enough, they do it to prove to them self that they still can get somebody else. So I really believe the reason they do is because they aren't good enough,and have low selfstem. If you still want to be with him, let go this feeling, watch some porn, to get new ideas and shown to him how good you are. If doesn't work. Sorry get divorce. I will. Good luck.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I cheated and it took a few months for us to get close to where we were we took a trip down memory lane and discussed the incident in detail....until every question was answered

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.