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2 Bumps

A close friend miscarried. What do I do? adult content

My best friend since Elementary just had a miscarriage. She posted it about 1hr ago on facebook. I have not got a call personally though.
Im at total loss of what to do!?!

Im not best person in knowing how to help others. Im lost!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Oct. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I would call her and say "I just saw your facebook post. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am here if you need me or if you want to talk", then if she does talk, be there and listen.
    When I had one in 2004 my best friend was the one person who really helped me the most. She was there for me- she listened while I talked, and cried with me while I cried. It meant so much to me to have her love and support. In fact she called me on the baby's due date 'just to talk' and that meant the world to me. In fact she was the ONLY one who remembered what that day was-- to everyone else it was just another day.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:32 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Just say that you are sorry for her loss and offer to help out in any way that you can. It's important to recognize that there are many things that can be said with good intentions that will crush a Mom going through loss.
    Erin814

    Answer by Erin814 at 12:21 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Don't push her to talk about it but be there to listen when she wants to. Let her know that you are there for her if she needs you and support her. That is all you really can do.
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 12:26 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Tell her you're sorry for her loss and if she wants to talk, you're there for her.

    Speaking as someone who miscarried twice, please do not say any of the following:

    "Maybe it's for the best."
    "God must have had other plans for (you, your baby, etc)."
    "You can try again."

    As well intentioned as these things are, they *HURT* to hear and personally, I had a VERY hard time not punching people in the mouth when they said them to me.

    If your friend goes through the emotions I did (and I'm told my reaction was common), she will feel like she failed, like her body "failed". It's an isolating feeling, so don't let her isolate herself. Don't insulate her from what's going on in YOUR life either. Don't constantly talk about your baby/children, but if there is something life-changing going on with you (such as you find out you're pregnant) don't hide it from her.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 12:47 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Call her and tell her you saw her post. Tell her you are so sorry and ask if there is anything you can do.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 12:25 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Just be there for her. Let her know that you are so sorry for her loss and that you are there for her to talk to.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 12:26 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • IDK i lost my baby i didnt want to talk to any one do anything i was depressed if you live close show up with some good take out and tell her your their for her but dont try and talk about it and do not say their may have been something wrong with the baby even know that is usually the case she probly knows that and doesnt need to hear it she will talk to you when she is ready!
    saadamarie

    Answer by saadamarie at 12:29 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • 2/2:

    Miscarrying is hard enough and hearing your good news will be hard enough - but feeling like you (her friend) hid this from her will hurt EVEN more.

    Even if you can't really understand how she feels, sometimes all she may need is someone to listen, or keep her distracted from what she's feeling.

    The best thing you can do for her is KEEP being the friend you've always been.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 12:50 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I've had 2 miscarriages and one of the worst thing that was said to me out of good intentions was: There must have been something wrong with the baby. I felt like I was being punished for something I had done or maybe God felt I couldn't be a proper mother to another child. It's was a very lonely time so just be there for her even if it's just sitting on the opposite end of her couch silently staring at the TV.
    BlueCollarMama

    Answer by BlueCollarMama at 12:53 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Just be there for her.. Try to see if she would like to go out for lunch or a movie or something to get her mind off of it..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:21 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

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