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How do I explain to my husband why my sex drive has ceased to exist in a way that he'll understand? adult content

It's not that I don't love my husband with all of my heart, and I want to be intimate with him, but my sex drive has completely disappeared. Between his crappy work hours (he never gets home until 10:00pm) working full time, 2 kids, cleaning the house, making dinner, and just being plain exhausted by the end of the day I have no desire to have sex.
He doesn't understand why chores all day mixed with football when we finally do get into bed isn't at all at urn on. He thinks he tries to turn me on, but it takes a lot more than just a nibble on the neck. How do I get him to understand this? He told me last night that he's just given up on trying to make our sex life better than it is because I'm never in the mood. So I tell him "get me in the mood" and we star this whole argument over again..."I try but you never want to"... a never ending cycle.
How can I explain this to him? Better yet...how can I show him so he understand?

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Stinababalina

Asked by Stinababalina at 1:36 PM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You could try a date night, so you two have time for just you and you can relax and just enjoy each other. Sometimes, when people get into a routine, it's hard to break out of the cycle. I feel like not having sex is a routine and you have to try to break it. Him nibbling your neck may not turn you on, but maybe you could start there. When he does that, tell him what else you would like him to do to get you in the mood. It must be very hurtful to him to be rejected all the time. In my experience, the more one has sex, the more they want it.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:42 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I don't know that there is a way. Men are very sexual, they assume you are too. They think because you have a vagina it's there for them to use... I would just be honest with him, tell him flat out it's gone... And that you're doing what you can. I would also suggest you BOTH work together to make sure this relationship is fulfilling for you both, with or without sex.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:42 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Make a list of turn ons and post it on the fridge. Ever time you think of a new turn on write it on the list.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 1:49 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • TELL HIM what he needs to do to get you in the mood. You must know what turns you on. My DH knows that all he has to do is play with my breasts. Even if i am ready to fight him, i will get turned on when he plays with my boobs. He knows this, works every time...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:55 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Give him specifics on what you want him to do to get you in the mood. Men are usually not good with clues and are definately not mind readers.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 2:05 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • At this point, he refuses to even initiate it. It all falls on me. And it's REALLY hard to initiate something that I have no motivation to do. I feel horrible that it's gotten to this point. I just feel like I have to do EVERYTHING because of his work hours. It's MY responsibility to get the kids up in the morning, MY responsibility to make dinner when I get home, help the kids with homework, play with them for a little bit, give them baths, put them to bed, clean up around the house. There's only so much time in a day. By the time he gets home from work at 10, changes, and eats dinner, it's already almost 11...at that point I have to be up in 6 hours to start all over again. I feel like such a horrible wife, but I can't do everything. It sounds REALLY bad, (I know it does) but ME having to initiate intimacy is just one more thing that is MY responsibility and that doesn't help my sex drive at all either. GRR. I want to cry.
    Stinababalina

    Comment by Stinababalina (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

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