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What should I do?

My 44 yo DD stops talking to me for months at a time. She makes her adult DD also to stop talking to me. This has been going on for years now. I never know what I have done and she doesn't tell me until I apologize. This time she says I was mean to her. I don't believe I have ever been mean to her. She has asked me to have lunch with her Saturday. I feel that I have dealt with this behavior far too long. She has cut me to deeply. I feel she wants to make me into her vision of what a mother should be like and evidently that is not me. She never says anything nice about any of her relatives but she seems to think her in-laws are perfect. She ignores her own niece and nephews but goes out of her way for her sister-in-laws adopted twins. She just comes off like she thinks her own family is some backwood hicks, who are stupid and have no manners. I am afraid to go to lunch . I'll just say something she won't like.

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depressedmom65

Asked by depressedmom65 at 2:46 PM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,936 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Tell her that you are not interested in going to lunch. You will still love her as your child but you do not have to put up with being treated like dirt. If she really loves you, she will change but if she doesn't, you will only allow her to manipulate your feelings and cause you more hurt.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:51 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I understand exactly what you are saying. I have a sister somewhat like her. I decided to cut her out my life altogether. I love her but I do not like her attitude, her behavior and her down out rudeness. I understand that this is your daughter and you cannot cut her out of your life. I've watched my mother deal with my sister and carry the pain of loving her. I'll give you the same advice I gave my mother..."You have the power to control every situation when dealing with her." As long as you know that you've done everything you can as a mother, the rest is on her. Stand up for yourself in a nice way and let her know that she will no longer have this type of control over you..hugs & I hope it all works out in your favor...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:51 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • If you or your family can't meet up to her standards then that's her loss. She shouldn't have standards for her own family or expectations either. She should accept you all for everything you are, regardless of what it is you are. Her expectations or her belief of what you should be are seemingly unrealistic. If that's the case then she doesn't deserve you in her life. I'm not saying cut her out, but maybe just limit the interaction you have with her. She clearly doens't respect you or her family, and somehow has put her in-laws up on a pedistal. You know her better then we do, so if this is continuous then you should know not to let it get to you. She's an adult and if she's still pulling this then she doesn't deserve you. I personally wouldn't go to lunch with her. Or any day.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:52 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

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