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Men & Porn

My BF loves porn. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough to turn him, that he has to watch some bimbo get it on in order to get it on with me. This isn't an every day occurance but I can definitly tell when he has watched it & when he hasn't. I'm told that he is 32 yrs old & he will do what he wants, but I don't know how to accept this & be at least some what comfortable. He tells me I'm insecure & he can't do anything about that. I don't know what to do. I'm desparetly seeking advice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jul. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I don't have a problem with my BF watching porn, sometimes I watch with him. But I can understand why you might feel the way you do. Personally I think porn can help spice up the sex, you can learn new postions and get ideas.

    Answer by sjdchbkr at 11:33 AM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • I think it's something you should have a talk with him about. His excuse of being 32 and doing what he wants doesn't fly but at the same time, he should have some privacy and time to himself to do what he wants, within reason. If he's aware that it's something that's hurting you and continues, then there's definately a problem. Explain to him that it's damaging your selfesteem and have him explain why he enjoys it. I'm betting that he doesn't realize how it effects you and you don't know why he watches it. My guess is also that you saying you want him to stop and making it a big deal only drives him to do it more both because he's rebelling and it's more of a thrill knowing it's something he's not suppose to do. All in all, watching porn is a lot better than cheating. Hopefully you will ask his reason for feeling like he needs to watch porn and his answer will make you realize it has nothing to do with your looks or not being able to meet his needs.

    Answer by Jess6700 at 12:12 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • If you click on to my profile, I have a post that may help you set some boundaries in this area. You will know the post by its title.

    Answer by letsgetreal at 12:19 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • Many men find mental stimulation with porn. He doesn't like the bimbo as much as he likes what she is doing and probably thinks how much he'd like for you to be doing that. I watch porn with my SO. I have found that once I let it jump start him he no longer cares about watching and he concentrates on doing. Porn can be an addiction and give way too much mental stimulation so if you can keep it in moderation it's not so bad. I just sort of treat it like any other movie though. We even talk about it (what part he liked? what part he didn't? does he want to try that new position?) Make lemonade out of a lemon situation. Anytime you can enhance a relationship and learn something new to please a partner it helps. I'm not saying he will stop watching porn but it's possible if you have to compete with it then you can sway him toward real life situations (doing it) instead of watching it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:25 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • i'm with you girl. i don'[t want my man watching that, getting turned on by someone else and then coming to me. fuck that. if its not me you're wanting, go be with someone else. if he doesn't understand how you feel, explain it in small, non complicated words. if he ignores it, he doesn't care how it makes you feel and in that case, porn is the least of your relationship problems.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 12:07 AM on Jul. 4, 2008

  • men are visual.women are generally not.I dought youd be ok with him telling you what emotions you can have or what you you can listen to or what fantasys material you use(or what ever it is that gets you excited).Perfectly okay to set some boundrys as a couple(READ: not you telling him how it will be)that alow him to look at the eye candy while knowing that following what you set down meens he gets to have the cake cause hes keeping the baker happy.

    Answer by electricblue at 3:12 PM on Jul. 4, 2008

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