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How do you cope when you want a baby but your husband wants to wait?

I just came off mirena thinking we'd be trying this Dec-March but now it turns out he wants to wait another whole year....the main issue is money- which will always be an issue no matter what...but my hearts breaking here...we have a lovely 2 year old son who I want to give a sibling to, I'll be 30 nexy year and my yearning for another baby is deep...and I'm just suposed to squelsh this because he says no... not now.

What's a woman to do? I can't turn off my yearning....now I'm stuck waiting 14 more months or longer if he deems us not ready next year too...


(and for those who wonder why only Dec-March... our insurance deudcticble make it so we'd need a Aug-Dec birth as our deuductibles reset in Jan- so getting pregnant in and giving birth in the same year and having all our appointment in that year make it so there will be less to pay after birth- unlike with our son's June birth)

 
stephanieplante

Asked by stephanieplante at 8:15 PM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 10 (478 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I guess the main thing is to talk about it with him. Take time to listen to his reasoning for wanting to wait - and take it seriously - and then let him know that you understand his line of thinking. Then tell him what your thought process was on the matter, why you think it would still be ok since he's worried about finances, and then thank him for his considering the well-being of the family financially. Convey to him how much it would mean to you to be able to go ahead and try for another child now and that it would be sad and rather difficult for you to wait such a long time after this window of opportunity passes. Let him know that if he really, really thinks you absolutely cannot take care of another being right now, that you will be willing to wait, but convey to him the worry you have of never being "ready" for another. Try to decide with him a definite financial point at which you will start trying for another child.
    katinthehat8914

    Answer by katinthehat8914 at 9:55 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Be patient. Financial issues are an important thing to consider. You are still SO young! You can wait several more years. I know you want another baby as a sibling for your son but a few more years won't be so bad. It will be fine. The thing is----BOTH of you have to agree.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 8:21 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I just feel like hes taking the reigns entirely here. I want to enjoy my kids while I'm young and I want them to be close in age too...
    stephanieplante

    Comment by stephanieplante (original poster) at 8:24 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • i dont have any answers but i am in the same boat as you with wanting another child......its hard and i was really depressed for awhile but we just talked about it and are getting through it. Good luck!
    mommyofone15

    Answer by mommyofone15 at 11:28 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I'm in almost the same situation. We have to put it off for THREE to FOUR YEARS. It's KILLING me. But I'm going to school, and will be full time for 4 more years, so it wouldn't be fair to a baby for me to be gone that much (I really want to stay home the first year). Plus, we're going to Japan next spring, which is when I would've been due had we started trying in June like we'd planned. I don't care to deal with a 14 hour flight 9 months pregnant or with a newborn, or being in a foreign country with a newborn or pregnant.
    I have the itch so badly, though, so I can SO relate. I was heartbroken when we made the decision to wait. However, we have a timeline. Is your financial situation going to improve over the next year? Do you know this for sure?
    I'm 30 as well, and my 2 year old son LOVES babies, and it makes me sad he won't have a sibling close in age with him. However, my brother and I are almost 6 year apart...
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:03 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • ... and I remember him being born, changing his diapers, and all the other fun stuff of him being a baby. So I'm trying to focus on the positives. My brother and I are very close. When he hit puberty, I was the one he asked about things, because he knew I was experiencing them, and I was easier to relate to than our parents. I gave him his first condom to play with, just to satisfy his curiosity, and he thought that was SO cool (and he's never had sex without one, he assures me!). He was MY baby when we were little (though I, of course, tortured him, too). I was so proud of having a baby brother. In fact, being at the hospital when he was born made me want to be a labor and delivery nurse, and now, I'm studying to be a midwife.
    There are positives to this. Try to be patient, live vicariously through pregnant and delivering friends (as I am!!), and keep the lines of communication open with your hubby.
    Best wishes!!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:08 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Ugh, I know it's hard to wait. My first three kids are all less than two years apart. (#1 and 2 are 16 months apart, and #2 and 3 are 20 months apart) But between #3 and 4 and 5 (twins) there are four years. So I had a bigger gap this time around, but I just focused on the kids I already had and that kept me pretty busy. Enjoy your son while he's the only child right now. Maybe you and your DH can make a compromise and meet in the middle?
    twinmama2five

    Answer by twinmama2five at 1:36 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

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