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14 Bumps

I am such a bitch, aren't I?

As you all have seen in a previous post by me, DH is dying of cancer and we've had issues with his mom starting crap - along with some things from other members of his family. Well, yesterday was the last straw with the e-mail I got from his sister. I let her have it because I'm tired of being put on the spot. DH has said he didn't want visitors - he's barely able to stay awake or talk. His sister starts putting this guilt thing on me saying she wants to come over to lay in bed with him - OUR bed! I asked her bluntly why is it so important now when none of them could be there for him during his fight the last 2 years and I really tore into her about the way they all treated him, etc. I feel better letting it out, but yet guilty, too, as this is his family. But, DH said not to worry, they had it coming. Am I a bitch or just being protective over DH from getting hurt any more by these people?

Answer Question
 
TeensMom07

Asked by TeensMom07 at 9:20 PM on Oct. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,164 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • i think you did the right thing..they haven't wanted nothing to do with him til now? thats messed up!! im ssooo sorry to hear about your dh!! my prayers are with you!
    proudmommy690

    Answer by proudmommy690 at 9:23 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I think you're probably going through a lot and keeping you feelings bottled up won't do any good. You're right to be angry and they should know it.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 9:24 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I don't think you're being a bitch but... I wouldn't tell your dh all that is going on. I'd keep his as sheltered from it as possible. He doesn't need any added stress.
    As long as he's happy with just you there, screw them.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 9:24 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • Your husband need to mend their relationship. Perhaps you could set up a visit with limits.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:24 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • I don't blame you, however, they will need to say good bye and standing in their way could be an awful thing to do.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:26 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • They've never accepted our marriage and when DH was diagnosed 2-1/2 years ago, they looked the other way... never called him, never visited, etc. He even broke down once because he felt as though his own family didn't care if he lived or died. Until he was deemed terminal & end stage, they really never did have much to do with him. Now, they are popping in all the time and acting like they care. He said he feels like a freak on display for these people to just sit & watch him die. It is so sad and I think I've bitten my tongue long enough. Especially when they turned HIS request against me about not wanting visitors. That was just the last straw in my book. UGH!
    TeensMom07

    Comment by TeensMom07 (original poster) at 9:26 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • These people are about to loose their brother. These people were his people when he was growing up. He was their big (or little) brother, their son, their role model. These people want to see a man who they love and have not managed to be there for this man. These people are not going to have many more chances to see their family member and want to make sure they tell him that they love him.
    Get over your anger and be respectful of people your husbands people who are apart of his life and will miss him sorely. These people will be your link to him after he dies and probably the only people who will miss him as much as you do. So mend your fences and deal with his people. Be kind be generous, be forgiving.
    Your not a bitch. Your a wife who is going to loose her husband soon. He is going to leave you and you will be alone. Hold on to what you have and live your life with honor.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:27 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • They have more than said their good byes - along with bringing in constant drama, putting my DD and I down, being outright rude & obnoxious around him, etc. I think he put that request out there because he just cannot take it anymore since every time they are around, the shit starts & gets him upset.
    TeensMom07

    Comment by TeensMom07 (original poster) at 9:28 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • you did the right thing! particularly if they've had time and chances and didn't take it.

    on a different note, if the hubby feels like it, you might consider him making a video to say a few words before he leaves this world.
    I'm sure that you would love to see it later, and if you are feeling really generous, maybe you'll let this other people take a look.

    but this is your time now, and you guys get to call the shots!
    good for you!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:34 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

  • You just want the best for your husband. I would do what he wishes bc it is his time to spend how he chooses.
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 9:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2010

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