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i need his time?

my husband is working according to shifts that is from 7am to 3pm - 3pm to 11pm &11pm to 7am. most of the time he do two shifts together. and when he comes home he is either tired or busy with his business work. i dont even get 20% of his time. i m computer engineer but i left my carrer 6 months ago bcos my husband didnt like me to go to work. I have 3 yr old daughter. if I go to tralk with him about this issue he gets angry and starts shouting. so im better off keeping my thoughts with me. when eva he is at home he4 will spend the time with my daughter. but we dont get that romance anymore... im fed up!! i also need some one . i dont go out thjt much bcos he doesnt like me going out with friends or family. please tell me what can I do??? i hav neva been so lonely before...:(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Jul. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He sounds really controlling. If you are unhappy you should consider marriage counseling or getting counseling for yourself. Even if he doesn't go for couples therapy, he needs to know how you feel and that you need to be happy.
    xanxan

    Answer by xanxan at 12:10 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • I'm one to think that talking about things is the best way to realize the root of the problem and resolve things, however in this case bringing up issues causes an arguement. It could be how you're bringing things up and wording your statements, I also could be totally off base:) Try just telling him that you miss him and because you love him, you want to try and find some time for just the two of you to spend together. Forget about every other issue the two of you have and just focus on the issue of time together. Once you're both spending more time happily together and feel like you're past one thing, meantion one new issue at a time. Also, be glad he's spending time with your daughter, instead of jealous. While he's with her use the time away for yourself. Get your nails done, go tanning... Sometimes paying more attention to yourself can make him pay more attention to you.
    Jess6700

    Answer by Jess6700 at 12:19 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • well he dont belive in therapy. he thinks they are for mad ppl. he thinks ewverything is perfect. i told him tht i need sum of his time. and he says he knows tht we need time bt he wont do anything abt it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • I am one that is in constant need of attention but it's easy for me to pin a sign on my shirt that says ATTENTION NEEDED! I try to keep it light and not in a way my SO gets defensive. I also send emails and say how I feel. Again, I use humor to convey my feelings. Sometimes these guys just work too hard and they are task oriented and stay focused especially if he is working 2 shifts! Some men hate taking down time or fun time. My inner child just comes out to play as soon as "daddy" comes in the door! I greet him with enthusiasm when he walks in the door and yes he crushes my spirit sometimes (military guy)but he finally loosens up. They just take life too seriously. I find simplicity and humor works for me. I hope you find what works for you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:02 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • girl....i am way too tired to type everything i want to say right now....but the main thing is you've got to stand up for yourself....cause nobody else is gonna....tell him what you need out of the relationship and let him do the same....if hes not willing to give you what you need, then you need to rethink the relationship
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 10:50 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • just tell him, i'm not happy, i'm lonely and i need you to spend some quality time with me. you also need to be realistic in yoru expectations. it sounds like he is working his butt off. so maybe go for quality time instead of quanity.
    and don't listen to anyone who says he's controlling. he doesn't sound controlling. he sounds like a man who is working twice as hard as he used to because he has less income. it sounds to me like the two of you have put your baby first, and your relationship is suffering. he puts it off, thinks you will understand. ask him and he will tell you he is doing it all for you. he won't understand the problem. you may just have to tell him "i'm horney you jerk." to get the message through.
    i've been there. please don't just write him off. if he's anything like my husband, (and we had the same exact problem) he loves you guys so much, he's killing himself to take care of you.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 12:00 AM on Jul. 4, 2008

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